Tuesday, June 08, 2010
Talking to myself
Bored, so I decided to talk to myself.
Work. Should I look forward to it, or cry over the impending doom? End of an era, end of a kind of lifestyle, end of a carefree mentality. Mostly because I demand high standards on myself. I want to blend in, I want to excel. I want to be "on top" on things. I want to be damn confident and feel 'easy' doing things. Yet I'm afraid of the weird characters that might surface - if they are underneath me I would be okay - but I start at the bottom, if they come from the top, I'm really not sure how to handle them.
Arts Club. People ask us back for rag, because they care to see us as friends? Or just extra free labour, whatever they can get. The ideal picture of many generations blending, it can never be fulfilled, no matter how friendly or sociable you try to be. Still thinking if I should go back to see Arts Camp. I don't feel like overstaying my welcome, yet with all this boredom I just wanna see things. I will have comments, but I keep them to myself. Of course I understand that "Lao eh, you had your time".
And gone are the days of many friends gathering at one spot to talk boliao stuff, to bitch about boliao characters. By working you're essientially alone. It's easy to make friends in a t-shirt and shorts camp environment, but hard to make friends in an office wear environment, especially when the stakes are rather high, and the work rather serious. People come and go, they all arrive with the same purpose - 12th of every month - and leave as individuals.
Right now I'll say that as far as possible, I would try my very best not to lose 'me'. The joking, not-serious, simple, heartlander me when not working. Yes, work requires a totally different mode of thinking - productive, serious, discipline, eloquent, well-behaved, mature, responsible etc. But as far as I can, I will not let the process drain me. Upon leaving work, I want to live my life as myself, not the worker by-product. I want to remain the mindset of a 'student'. I am young, and I want to remain young.
ok end.
lowtide blogged @
1:46 am
