Monday, June 28, 2010
I don't know what inspired me to write this
At every stage of our lives we'll care about different things.
And the common thread amongst them all is that when we look back, the previous things we care about will seem so childish and meaningless.
Secondary school. Only the final exam in the O'levels matter, but we did care for each test that came by. As kids, we just did what we were told. And we just did to gain the smiles/avoid the scoldings of the adults, or to affirm ourselves by a socially-approved method. We get happy and emo over test results, and looking back, it was all childish and meaningless.
An university student will also look at someone crying over his/her o'levels results as chidish and meaningless. Likewise for the working adult to look at the university student's panic over every assignment/test/exam/module which constitutes to the final CAP, when work performance is definitely more important now, for promotion and perhaps better pay.
The retiree on the bench facing the sunset. Looking at those adults working from day to night, from weekdays to weekends, toiling so hard and missing out time on relaxation, just for that extra bit of money which they probably won't get to spend, and meanwhile getting so stressed, jaded and unhealthy over it, he smiles. It's all so childish and meaningless. You can earn that little bit more money. But when you die can you bring all these money with you? Can you bring all the wonderful grades you have fought for, the very outstanding job titles you've earned beside your name? Looking back, it's all so childish and meaningless.
...
This is life. At every stage of life, the current matter on hand will seem the most important. And yes, our emotions does go through a tremendous up and down according to these current matters. But looking back, everything will seem so stupid.
So do you want to know if what u're doing now is clever or stupid? Just think some years forward, and look at yourself doing the things you're doing. Will that 'you' laugh at the current 'you'? By this, I think you will find the answer.
Sometimes, we are just too busy justifying our behaviour. Too much of consumerism, too much of human rights, too much of self-righteousness. Only when we look at ourselves like looking at other people will we find the means to criticise.
The good news is, we can't change other people, but we can change ourselves.
Want to be a person that you truly want to be? Assume a forward role, look at the current you. See if your actions are laughable. If they are, think what that future 'you' will want the 'current' you to do, and follow the former's instructions.
Suddenly, the aim will be clearer, life will be happier.
...
The person on the deathbed. Reflecting on his life, all these emotions he went through at every stage on his life formed precious memories for a rich life. At the same time, these things no longer matter anymore. There are no more emotions, just smiles at his own childishness at being so emotional over these meaningless stuff. So where is he going to go after his death? Too many choices of religions and too conflicting logical choices over the religious teachings. Scientifically and logically trained, he couldn't decide.
He leaves the world, not being able to bring back the money in his bank account, the wonderful grades he worked so hard for, and the nice job titles on his resume. He still does not know where he's going. Left are just all memories, and smiles over the emotions over past meaningless things.
lowtide blogged @
2:01 am
Friday, June 25, 2010
Arts Camp 2010
1. It isn't as fun without my old comrades (ocommers, house participants) that I know really well
2. Different people can do seemingly the same things, but the differences in subtle details differentiate between heaven and hell
3. It is still quite fun catching up with some young ones I know, but it's quite scary this might be one of the last times I will be seeing them
Perhaps this time, I really learnt to let go.
As much as I want new experiences to stimulate me, they are messing up my old, wonderful memories.
Let's keep it as such.
"Lao eh, you had your time"
Really thanks to every single one who have made my FOP experiences so wonderful, they are something I will always remember, and lessons which I will always apply to my life.
Let go. Move on. Grow up.
lowtide blogged @
12:23 am
Monday, June 21, 2010
Exchange
Between any relationship, be it bf gf, parents, friends etc, it's an exchange.
And being in an exchange means that both sides of the relationships give and take.
You give some, you take some.
However, it isn't that simple.
I've read a leadership book before, it said that a leader shouldn't assume his followers to want exactly the same things as him. Different people are motivated by different things, so to be a good and motivational leader, you'll need to know what each individual wants, and cater to their needs to motivate them.
The same goes for human relationships. Before you get what you want, you have to give what people want from you. In friendship, what people want (in basic terms) is simple. Company, the feeling of fun and good when with this person. If you aren't able to offer these very basic of feel-good factors to others, you cannot develop your friendship with people, and what's more talk about the advanced stuff - sharing of deep inner thoughts, mutual support etc.
Trying to skip the basics - making people like to hang around you - and wanting to get the advanced stuff (emotional support), then not getting it - is like being lazy to walk and lamenting that why you can't run - utterly stupid, but not so obvious to some.
To summarise: Before you get what you want, you must give what others want. Before you want the advanced stuff, you need to fulfill the basics.
lowtide blogged @
12:17 am
Thursday, June 17, 2010
Hunger
SPRING Singapore Chairman Philip Yeo: "Hunger is the strongest motivation. When you are poor, you have no choice but move up. If you are not as poor, you can afford to take it easy, relax."
I can never think that I have arrived. I must keep that hunger in me.
Light will come at the end of the dark tunnel, but I will need to be patient. And the time horizon of a working adult stretches and becomes really long, I will really need to adjust my mindset.
Not easy, but I have to do it.
P.S. Yeah girls work to pay for their incessant shopping, comestics, skincare products while guys work to pay for their parents, house, family car and kids' education.
P.P.S. After the mind-opening learning in MTI last year, I don't regard unemployment as a stigma at all. In the US it isn't like that. Bill Gates did not complete his degree did he? I'm really happy for friends like tianguang and dingyan starting their own companies, and venturing out businesses on their own. And nowadays with affluence, some don't really NEED to work. To put it harshly, rich parents do not NEED money from their kids - they are practically helping kids to save up, by returning them the money upon their deaths. However on the other hand, the people on the US are constantly bored. They think of useful things to do outside work (that's how 'stupid' things like google and facebook came out), even with their affluence. But why can't our society do that? People who are motivated are usually hungry, and people who are affluent are usually dismotivated. Of course there are exceptions, and I'm happy and lucky to meet these people in my life.
lowtide blogged @
3:41 am
Friday, June 11, 2010
Bomb
Received a financially devastating bomb yesterday, and my mood hasn't been the best since.
Life is unfair, of course I know it. But when it has struck you for almost all your life, and after all that struggles to earn that little bit of light at the 'end' of the tunnel, the tunnel is suddenly extended and you're back in darkness.
Despite all that difficulties since don't know how young, I'm proud to acheive at least what I did in school. But so what even if you worked damn hard, and actually went all out to get what you want?
Whatever gains you strive so hard to make, whatever water you top up into the sink, and sink hole drains the water right down to nothingness.
In life, you can choose your actions. You can choose your path. But you can never choose your family.
And if I were to be brutally honest, I'm now fuming at people whining about things they have absolute power to choose. There's nothing to whine but about yourself, as you are the one who landed yourself in that situation in the first place. If you have no control over yourself (at ONE instant I can understand, but over the long run), I'm sorry, you're just like an animal.
And of course, choices have consequences. I'm okay to suffer bad consequences for bad choices I made. But to suffer bad consequences for someone's else bad choices is pure crap.
Seriously, what are all these whiners doing?
No matter how hard I work to be better, something will pull me back, and I'll stay crap.
And people whine over things they have control over. best.
lowtide blogged @
12:44 am
Wednesday, June 09, 2010
Productive day
1. Took and passed my basic theory test
2. Met up with my HDB mentor
3. Finally bought my working bag
4. Kw bought her new wallet
lowtide blogged @
1:00 am
Tuesday, June 08, 2010
Talking to myself
Bored, so I decided to talk to myself.
Work. Should I look forward to it, or cry over the impending doom? End of an era, end of a kind of lifestyle, end of a carefree mentality. Mostly because I demand high standards on myself. I want to blend in, I want to excel. I want to be "on top" on things. I want to be damn confident and feel 'easy' doing things. Yet I'm afraid of the weird characters that might surface - if they are underneath me I would be okay - but I start at the bottom, if they come from the top, I'm really not sure how to handle them.
Arts Club. People ask us back for rag, because they care to see us as friends? Or just extra free labour, whatever they can get. The ideal picture of many generations blending, it can never be fulfilled, no matter how friendly or sociable you try to be. Still thinking if I should go back to see Arts Camp. I don't feel like overstaying my welcome, yet with all this boredom I just wanna see things. I will have comments, but I keep them to myself. Of course I understand that "Lao eh, you had your time".
And gone are the days of many friends gathering at one spot to talk boliao stuff, to bitch about boliao characters. By working you're essientially alone. It's easy to make friends in a t-shirt and shorts camp environment, but hard to make friends in an office wear environment, especially when the stakes are rather high, and the work rather serious. People come and go, they all arrive with the same purpose - 12th of every month - and leave as individuals.
Right now I'll say that as far as possible, I would try my very best not to lose 'me'. The joking, not-serious, simple, heartlander me when not working. Yes, work requires a totally different mode of thinking - productive, serious, discipline, eloquent, well-behaved, mature, responsible etc. But as far as I can, I will not let the process drain me. Upon leaving work, I want to live my life as myself, not the worker by-product. I want to remain the mindset of a 'student'. I am young, and I want to remain young.
ok end.
lowtide blogged @
1:46 am
Monday, June 07, 2010
The Calm before the Storm
Well, I'm not sure if I should say life now as 'boring'.
At first, I was enjoying the feeling of resting, doing nothing, waking up late, reading books, playing games.
I know that I would no longer get to enjoy such relaxing leisure once I start work, so probably I shouldn't complain about 'doing nothing' now.
However, the reality seems so far from the 'ideal' slacking period. Gf's busy with work, so hard to find friends for dota, finished reading my book and not sure what else to pick up, and my brain is seriously dwindling in size. I'm getting stupid, and getting senile.
But again, I hate to think about work. Seeing how hard kw has been working at that place, naturally I fear for the stark contrast I'll feel once I start work - from absolute slackness to absolute busy-ness - my brain needs some time to warm up.
So hard to really enjoy these last 3 weeks.
lowtide blogged @
8:19 pm
Wednesday, June 02, 2010
Make-or-break March
Random. I was thinking on my way home at the bus stop.
Tianhao was telling me sometime during February: It's gonna be a make-or-break March.
Then we had 2 giants to tackle. Firstly the MOF Budget Quiz. Even though our team scored the highest in the preliminaries, the highest individual scorer was in the SMU team. In a group answering competition you're as strong as your strongest man, not your weakest link, so we were kinda cautious and worried about it.
We became triumphant, but with only 10 points over the SMU team. Lucky, I would say.
(the trophy now sits proudly at the NUS Economics Department btw)Make no. 1.
Secondly was of course the individual theses we were doing. 6th of April was the deadline, and by March we had to finish almost everything, if not we'll be dead.
Luckily for me, Make no. 2.
Thinking back, I am really happy and grateful that both giants were tackled successfully. I went to achieve what I set out to achieve in my last semester, and I can leave NUS without regret already.
I wonder what happened to my 2 group mates for their theses. Wish them all the best!
Thinking back, it was really a tough March, but really a good March.
Make-or-break, glad it made. On both counts =)
lowtide blogged @
12:54 am
