Wednesday, December 31, 2008
Title
1. What am I doing this holidays?
- sleep
- watch little nyonya on mobtv
- sleep
- dota
- sometimes go out, most of the time no
- sleep
- read outdated Time magazines, and my Freakonomics book
- sleep
It's weird to say this, but this holiday is getting boring. It's just like that. When I'm in the semester fretting over everything: getting every mark, teaching tuition etc, I'll feel shitty about it. But now, when it's time to truly rest, I can't think of many things that I wanna do, except just sleep. Maybe when you're handicapped in the financial sense, your options are very restricted. Talk about making the most of your youth eh?
It's only 1 week plus (post ICT) into my hols and I'm kinda itching to go back into the rough and tumble of NUS' academic pursue. Maybe it's me telling myself I can't afford to let my mentality drop, if not, when school starts, I'll need that rebooting of the system again, and that is really hard.
This reminds me of what Isaac told me that we're born to work. I believe that - after watching some documentary about some Italian sheep rearer and Japanese farmers working way into their nineties, and living strong and healthily. And once you stop working, you start to die. Perhaps that's what I'm feeling now - restless and itching to go back into action.
It's a good rest nonetheless, I enjoy overloading sleep into my body, and basically taking my mind off everything. It stands me in good stead for the coming semester, it could prove to be tough, as I venture into level 4000 modules.
Haha and I don't understand why people are so upset over not getting any modules in MPE. Econs majors are used to it, and getting any module in MPE is a bonus, instead of an entitlement. So, bid lor (I'm gonna do only 2 econs mods btw, so I hope to (because I MUST) get them.)
That's it for now, more random thoughts when I feel like it =)
lowtide blogged @
10:35 am
Wednesday, December 24, 2008
I'm back, finally =)
Ok the results are out.
Hmm, cannot say that I'm sad over my results, nor I'm too happy with it.
Well, it's just the usual me, when I really put in my best effort.
Even when I did the best as I could, in the exams, out of the 5/6 modules, there will be a few stuff that I missed reading on here and there. And in econs terms, 1 mistake = A-, 2 = B+ etc etc, that's how scary it is.
Well, in terms of probability, the probability that you have zero mistakes for ALL 5 modules is very low, as it is (probability of no mistake in 1 module)^(number of modules), so it is really quite statistically improbable of acheiving that.
So, yah, due to that, I'm quite satisfied bah.
Just that the book prize dream is gone! I think.
But it feels good this sem, despite the very tough journey physically and mentally, I felt that I was always in control, I planned accordingly to the deadlines, I neglected the most 1 tutorial (but I made up for it) out of the many, instead of rushing things last minute and feeling shit after that.
It feels good too to aim (not just aim blindly) and really set out to achieve them, module by module, mark by mark, and acheiving them (all except 2 modules, so it's good lah).
Just that I have to learn my lesson of not merely covering the UNDERSTANDING of the concepts, but also to MEMORISE those nitty gritty details, however unappealing they seemed to my mind. Also, I have to learn to be even more alert-minded during exams, as I tend to switch off sometimes during them, due to mental fatigue or something.
Every semester I learnt something, and I'm happy that I did not repeat any past mistakes, and I discovered new little ones.
Yes, I'm back in the Dean's List, hehheh.
Points secured for Year 4 room stay! =D
lowtide blogged @
9:37 am
Sunday, December 21, 2008
End of ICT
20th Dec 2008 marks the last of my 2nd ICT.
Being high-key, the ICT this time is longer, more physically demanding, and of course, more mentally-draining.
Well, I'm not sure how to blog about it, so I'll write in rough points
1. It's a completely different world inside. Once you're in, it's like Light touching the death note book after forgoing it, the memories just flood in at an instant, and you transform back into 'kira', or a soldier, in this context.
2. It's a weird feeling. One part of me feels happy to be inside. In that sense that when you're in, all the troubles outside seem to just go away. Like I do not need to worry about money when (almost) everything is free, no need to worry about results, internships, or think about current affairs or like Blackburn Rovers' plight etc etc. Also, it's great to meet the guys up after 1.5 years, and it seems like we had never been away. Another part of me of course, moans the loss of freedom of movement (it's the same outside, just the difference in the overwhelming degree of loss), the loss of individuality for the sake of conformity, and of course, doing everything similiar to what we did when we were in the active days, when our fitness levels obviously belonging to the civilian group.
3. You really switch off the outside world once you're inside. A short chat with Patrick (also from FASS) made me realise this. It's like, there are people telling me about the CAP leak, my mind like wasn't even excited or nervous about it, just simply "orh, ok, let me know only AFTER I finish this ICT". If I were never inside, I'm pretty sure I will be quite concerned about it, and perhaps a few skipped heartbeats. Also, you hack care the news going around the world (much like when we're in school camps), and you just concentrate on grinding out the days to let them pass.
4. Outfield sucks. I like travelling around Singapore in our scout jeeps, sometimes passing by curious bystanders, and enjoying the wind of the open-air vehicle. However, it's another story when the camo is on your face, the fieldpacks and stores are all over, and you know the fact that entering a mosquito-infested area is imminent. I also hate lying on grounds with soft mud, with trees roots underneath your butt, and slopes which makes it impossible to have a good rest.
5. Saviour is the man who invented the mosquito coil. Of course we shouldn't be doing it, but it is really effective. Without it I would have surely died from the vicious stings of the insect, as once you enter the vegetation, they don't fly to you, but zoom in on you in SWARMS. The last few hrs when my team run out of it made me realise this. The constant 'zzzzzzoooooom' sound the mozzies make as the fly past your ears when you try to sleep is irritating, not to mention the 'love bites' they leave on your hands, ears, and neck.
6. Ironically, the most enjoyable part of ICT is the RT on saturday, for people who failed IPPT (yes I fall into this category, gone were the days of 9.40-ish timings). It's a nice feeling everyone doing PT doing in the morning, as I can see smiles amongst everyone regarding the tough-yet-fun nature of the push-ups, jogs, crunches, and tug jumps. It's good to see our Support guys together again, it feels like the old days. Actually, without the regimentation of 'shouting counts' and doing things uniformly, PT can be fun, as I believe guys have this 'feel-good' factor when we exercise.
7. IPPT has taken a different tone this time round. With the reality of the late out-pro hitting me, and the system changed to remove university students' immunity from RT, I realised I had to clear IPPT. To prevent RT from taking my time away 2 times a week, no choice, I have to embark on my own training, pass it, and be free. I need to clear it twice, one before my birthday, and another before the next ICT (14th Dec 2009), so I can afford to slack and out-pro earlier.
8. It's good I talked to OC (who was a civil service scholar) on the last day, making me more aware of how the civil service operate, on how a non-scholar like me would be disadvantaged, and how to get relevant skills when I'm finding work. I'm kinda open to more possibilities now.
Well, it's back to civilian life for me, but I'm not sure how I want to spend this holidays. Perhaps the usual dota, dota, movie, movie, outing, outing, then when the semester starts, it's back to more tuitions + IPPT trainings + mugging for me.
Something struck me. As we go deeper and deeper into the tougher and tougher world of adulthood, how do we maximise happiness subject to the fact that we need to work to get money to obtain what we want in the first place?
It's certainly something I would be pondering on, so I can find a sustainable yet realistic balance on work, money, and 'life'.
As for now, I will just enjoy the slack! OUT-PRO LOH!!!
lowtide blogged @
9:40 am
Saturday, December 06, 2008
Done?
This has been a semester of its own kind.
Well, the semester's FINALLY over. Hard to describe my feelings, cos it has been a really really long (mentally speaking) semester.
Taking 6 modules + 2 tuitions per week really pushed my limits, and the numerous lectures, webcasts, tutorials, tests, presentations and term paper that comes with it, certainly took a toll on me.
Where it is easy to give up, it got worse when I had such lofty aims. This means that I not just had to survive 6 modules, and if I were to ace at least 5 of them (s/u one), I had to be in control, and on top of the 5 modules, attending (almost) every lecture, doing every tutorial (and on time), while solving the immediate hurdles like tests, presentations and term paper, all requiring very high standards. There is no such thing as focusing on one thing at a time, or 'I don't know how to do'. There is only 'go find out how to do it, whatever it takes'. Mentally, it's really very testing, as I've never done this before. Previously, I was almost always lagging in reading and tutorial work. I'm 'born' lazy, this is not me.
And it was right after FOP period. And I think a lot of people knew how much effort we put into Oweek. The main part was the filming, plus the concurrent planning of the programmes. Not to mention work as well.
So it's kinda no break all the way for me, and to be frank, while I'm doing what I like, it's kinda sucky.
And suddenly when I realised that the exams were gone, the feeling got so surreal. Not more busy stuff? Not more demanding high standards? Are you for real?
But well, there is no such thing as rest. 4 days after exams, I'll be going for In-Camp Training from 9th-20th Dec.
It's so strange after the semester.
Like it's so strange to be back home after continously staying in my room for so long, as I need to adapt back to what essientially was my 'default'. This feels weird, when I'm used to doing what I like in my room, sleeping, bathing, playing, studying at whatever timeslot I like. Now when you're back home, everything you do will somehow be under scrutiny. What time you bathe, how much electricity you use, how untidy your desk/room is, etc etc. It certainly feels weird.
Not that I have the time to 'enjoy' and adapt being back home though. It seems like a temporary stay, and it's time again to adapt to no laptop, metal cupboards, blue/white bedsheets, green blankets, sleeping in bunks, your movement under the whimp and fancy of men older than you.
I feel like a NSF again just now, when I cut my hair horribly short,and when I went to sheng shiong to buy stuff like biscuits, cup noodles, and wet tissue, all in preparation for the 12-day confinement.
It feels weird during this period, cos it seems like your life is planned by some social superstructure over you, rather than you're in control of your life. We're never in control, are we?
Well, it's time for me to psycho myself to be positive again, and sometimes I wonder, how long can this self-psychoing last. It's not as if I have a choice.
It's nearly time to be back with the MEN WITH STEEL, in THE DECISIVE FORCE.
lowtide blogged @
2:36 pm
Tuesday, December 02, 2008
1001 reasons
There are 1001 reasons to feel drained.
There are 1001 reasons to feel tired.
There are 1001 reasons to feel stressed.
There are 1001 reasons to feel "satisfied" when you compare with others.
There are 1001 reasons to take the easy way out.
There are 1001 reasons to justify aiming lower.
There are 1001 reasons to say it's impossible.
There are 1001 reasons to aim for the "realistic".
There are 1001 reasons to give myself comfort by self-congratulations.
There are 1001 reasons to go for an "easier" life.
There are so many reasons I can give myself, to not do what I'm doing right now.
But I would not fall into this trap, no matter how tough it is.
Pain is temporary, grades are permanent.
I'll fight, with the correct mindset, the correct discipline, and remain positive.
These reasons are nothing. What matters is what happens on the 23rd Dec, not now.
THAT is permanent.
And I do not want that permanent to be good. I want it to be great.
lowtide blogged @
1:02 am
