Thursday, December 30, 2010
An eventful and fruitful 2010
With boring and mundane work numbing my senses everyday, it's easy to forget what a year I had.
When I was in school, the time in the year was so easily divided and categorised. Sem 2 in the first half of the year, holidays, then Sem 1 in the 2nd half of the year. Life mainly revolved around mugging, results, arts club and of course the constant worries about money.
Year 4 Sem 1And first half of the year was still part of this cycle. I was in my final semester in NUS, and this time last year, I just started working on my thesis.
While it was already the holidays, the school was quiet, pgp was quiet, I was alone in my pgp room, away from my family, friends and people in general, finding materials and ideas for my thesis. As I've said many times, it was really a lonely process.
Morning-noon time I'll wake up, alone in the quiet pgp room, walk down the quiet pgp corridor, do my washing up, eat a lonely lunch at the pgp canteen. Then reluctantly and lazily, I'll rather aimlessly look for ideas and materials for my thesis, digging database by database, reading paper by paper, and jolting down summaries in my trusty honours thesis A4-sized red note book.
Then I'll reach dinner time, go for a lonely dinner at the pgp canteen again. I was so sick of their food. Night time was mainly for watching tv and playing dota, alone in my room, to restore some sanity.
The only time of the week which I'll look forward to is actually meeting with Prof Albert Hu, as he will be the one giving me clear directions so that I can actually do better research. But it was really an awkward process. Everytime I went into his room, I got ready to get criticised left, right, centre and he wasn't the best person to have a chit chat with, despite him being a really nice guy.
When the sem started, this cycle kinda restarted, except that this time people populated the school and pgp. Other than labour economics II (which was on like a crappy Friday 8am morning - I was totally dismotivated to go because of the timing and me just needing to pass the module), I was alone doing thesis, thesis and thesis, all on my own. Doing research. Reading papers. Doing endless and unfruitful regressions and controls.
And when I was bored, I went to the clubroom to find people to talk, but facing the classic dilemma. With people in the clubroom, me doing any work is zero in productivity. But if I'm alone, I feel really damn depressed.
The sem just continued in this vein. And after endless research, reading papers, regressions, formal typing, drafting, marked down by prof and re-typing again and again, I was really, really relieved to finalise my thesis on deadline day. With insufficient sleep, adrenalin carried me through as I went to co-op with Tian Hao to do our 3 soft-copy binds and 3 hard-copy binds, plus of course the CD we needed to submit. I totally zonked out after handing it up.
A few weeks later of course it was the thesis presentation. It was the first year the econs department started this format, and it was a scary yet good experience. Dr Wong Wei Kang was really fierce, dishing out 3 big criticisms of my thesis. I thought it was finished. 4 years of hardwork going down the drain.
After all the nonsense for thesis was done, I went to focus on labour II. For once mugging felt good, and studying seems like so much easier compared to doing research. Even as Liu Hao Ming's notes were really crap, I enjoyed the feeling of mugging near the clubroom again, in the company of my friends.
And of course, upon finishing the labour II exam paper, I was done with my last examination in NUS. A mixed sense of triumph, pride, nostalgia and fear filled me. I was done with my studying life. (At least for now, as I have a strong feeling I'll do my masters some day)
School HolidaysThen I went to finally have some mental slack to rest my tired mind. As I had not much money, I did not do much, just slacking at home to enjoy the nonsensical lifestyle - wake up at noon, eat lunch, keep watching shows and playing dota, eat dinner, and continue doing the same thing.
KL TripInsert in between was a great trip to KL! A shoutout to Kaiwei, Cherie and Soon Leong who made the trip so fun. It was simple and budget, but nice and eye-opening for me.
Release of Results21 days later, the moment of truth came. The night before I really couldn't get to sleep, I was tossing and turning in my bed for almost the whole night.
And NUS loves to play tricks on us. MyISIS hanged again, and I panicked for 1 hour+ before deciding to use the sms thingy to check my results.
And upon seeing my results, I was really, really relieved, proud, physically on the verge of tears, emotionally already flooded in them. 4 years of hardwork, many previous years of hardship, really hard to put them into words.
My emotions were aptly captured in:
http://low-tide.blogspot.com/2010/05/all-ive-been-waiting-for.html
http://www.facebook.com/bingde/posts/121375831233500DesaruAfter that, around 1 week before starting work on 1 july, the BanGang went to Desaru for a short weekend trip. Honestly I'm not that kind who will really enjoy a beach holiday, but it was good getting some relaxation, see acres of land (which Singapore doesn't have), and have good chats with the lads.
Started Work1st July, I started work. Reluctant to end that slack and nonsensical lifestyle of course, but I was kinda excited to join the organisation which gave me such a great financial relief in my final year of studies - I was so desperate then.
Remembering so, first day of work I got asked by director to ask questions in front of the whole department. I knew absolutely nothing, still felt like an undergrad, and still didn't know how to behave amongst these people who have worked for so long.
Now I'm sucked into the rhythm of work, and generally it's a sian thing to be honest. Colleagues are great, bosses are nice, but deep down I feel sian being trapped in the work cycle, and of course, doing things (designing environments, doing maintainence, promotions, accounts management) which I'm not good at or trained to be.
CommencementOk la honestly I don't feel commencement is important, it's more a mental mark to tell yourself that 'you've made it' and of course a day for the parents to get a day's payback for 3-4 years of their money's worth. Yet having graduated with what I aimed for right at the beginning, it was admittedly a proud day for myself, and of course, it was great that I graduated together with my friends =)
YOG2 years ago, I was there at the Padang when the IOC announced the result on who will get to host the first ever YOG. I was there to celebrate with the rest of Singapore.
http://low-tide.blogspot.com/2008/02/first-ever-yog-singapore-2010.html
August time, YOG really happened, and came to Singapore. Luckily with my 'foresight', I balloted for the opening and closing tickets before many people actually cared to. Had a wonderful night watching fireworks, seeing the olympics flag fly up high in our small little country, just enjoying the company of the crowd and friends =)
I was there for the closing too, to mark my following of the whole event, right from the announcement to the opening to the closing. Just a little sad the closing was really quite crappy.
In-Camp TrainingThe last 'significant' thing to happen was of course in-camp training. Nothing much to say, except that it was nice meeting everyone up again, and reminise about the 'good' old days.
Ok that's about it. To me, 2010 has really been a good year. The first half of thesis doing was really lonely and tough, but at least I've managed to achieve what I wanted to all along, to graduate with first class honours. I also managed to have good trips to KL and Desaru, along with the exciting YOG. Work has been kind to me, bringing me to places, promotions, and meeting with people, with great colleagues, even though it's getting abit stale now (so fast!). I've also managed to clear my OCBC loan, and complete my 4th ICT.
In 2011, as mentally tired as I am, I will encourage myself to have that kind of drive I had in NUS, and go on to achieve things for my personal satisfaction. Also, I hope to plan overseas trips to expand my horizons. Financially, I hope to clear the money I owe for my first year of studies, and build good savings. Hopefully, I wouldn't get trapped by work, and will get to experience more new exciting happenings, live happily and healthily, for myself and my loved ones.
Here's to a good new year :)
lowtide blogged @
10:29 pm
Tuesday, December 21, 2010
Catch-up
Maybe it's because I constantly feel that I'm lagging behind, hence I keep wanting to catch up. People see me running faster, but do not even see how far behind I am.
Hence, I'm unabashed about putting more effort to run faster than others, as I have some serious catching up to do.
lowtide blogged @
10:45 pm
Sunday, December 19, 2010
4th ICT
Just completed my 4th in-camp training.
Well, nothing eventful for this in-camp to be honest. As I said to Kaiwei, I think I slept more in this week than I would for 1 month outside! (exaggerating, of course).
As the focus was on the heavy fire weapons, we mostly stayed in camp to do the usual stuff (technical handling and the yada yadas).
Yes, and I'm glad that I've passed ippt before going in, so I felt very relaxed when I went in. And in that relaxed mode, I actually passed ippt again! No point, but happy with my current fitness.
It was again a time to catch up with the boys, talking about those times in army. Well, every ict is a flash back to those gruelling 2 years, the seemingly endless physical poundings we took again and again and again, the loss of freedom, the loss of personal identity, the confinement within arranged premises. Those days were certainly fun when you think back of it, but another part of me wants to block it out also.
The 'real' world and the 'army' world is really so distinctively apart that you'll really feel transported from one world to another, even though the HDB estates are within visible distance.
It's actually quite scary for people who serve there for the whole of their careers. To me this world is rather disgusting, a very closed and suppressed world. To be part of this for half of your waking hours for almost your whole life is total crap.
Ok I hope it has been a good rest away from the 'real' world. But now, I need some time to recover.
lowtide blogged @
10:46 am
Sunday, December 12, 2010
OCBC + 4th ICT
Ok, 7 hours to ICT, so I shouldn't be blogging now. Quick one though.
Very happy that bonus came in on Saturday morning! Not that I have tons to spend now, on the opposite, I'm rather poor now, even after 6 months of pay + bonuses.
Why? That's something I've already announced, and something I'm very proud of.
I've cleared my $10,000+ OCBC study loan! That's my year 2 and year 3's tuition fees, plus the 4 months of interest I've allowed them to earn off me. If you check your loan account properly, a $10,000 loan on a 4.75% per annum interest does actually charge u $10 per week.
In percentage terms it doesn't sound like a lot, but I just don't like that feeling that people are taking away $10 per week from me CONSISTENTLY. So, I'm extremely proud of myself that I am able to clear it, all within 6 months of working.
How did I do that? With a combination of lucky pay and discipline. I still do spend, but only on smaller indulgences. I only buy clothes and shoes which are absolutely necessary (for work etc), and I make sure everything I buy lasts (even if the initial outlay may be a bit higher). So, I'm extremely proud that by only working 1 job, I'm able to do that.
And to top it off, do the following for daddy:
- Clear electricity bills $300 initial + 6 months of $100+ monthly
- Buy a new fridge $300+
- Make a passport $70
- Make a new ic $300 (lost 3rd time)
- Pay annual property tax $200+
- Pay annual tv license $100+
- Buy monthly premium grade insurance for myself and him $115 monthly
and of course my monthly allowance to aunt.
(Compared to my other friends who contribute more to the family, this is nothing, but I'm proud nonetheless)
Now, I'm just left with the money I owe small aunt for my first year of studies, and from there I can finally escape being in negative net worth.
Ok! 4th in-camp training from 13 Dec to 18 Dec. And happy that I've already cleared ippt (again through discipline in gradually whacking my unfit body, despite work, into shape to pass). Anything don't facebook me, sms me instead.
Good break from work I hope! (Dreads the 999999 emails I expect to read when I come back though, but nvm!)
Discipline is the mentality to consistently do the things your instinctive self doesn't like, bit by bit, so to finally arrive at the state where your rational self wants to be.
If I want to escape the poverty circle, the more I should exercise discipline against all odds.
Discipline is hard. But along with the right application, it does bring sweet fruits. Long may this continue =)
lowtide blogged @
11:42 pm
