Winner vs Loser Something wonderful I learnt, hope to 共勉之.
"There is no such thing as failure, there is something called a learning experience"
Of course, in life, we always face ups and downs.
When we are successful, it is super easy to handle. Smile, celebrate, try to avoid people who did not succeed, and feel really good about yourself.
But everyone knows it. Sometimes, 事与愿违. You can't be successful all the time. when you did not succeed, or things don't go your way, what do you do?
This is when the difference between winners and losers.
Whenever something goes wrong, winners find reasons it went wrong, losers look for excuses.
For a loser, it is always about others, never about himself. When something goes wrong, he put the blame on others. On how parents failed to provide him with a decent developing environment. On his nature-given ability not up to scratch. On him being naturally dumb. On how he has 'no time'. On how his friends fail to understand him, when he himself did not make the effort to create this understanding.
For such a person, the world revolves around him. Everything must fall in place nicely for him, or else he will never succeed. Whenever something in that ideal world he envisions goes wrong, it's that thing's fault. Never his.
For a loser, a mirror is but something for him to look at his face, do his hair. There will never be a moment whereby self-reflection about his own fault can exist, for everyone needs to understand how he feels, see things from his perspectives, rather than him trying to understand everyone, and everything else.
Even when someone is kind enough to point this out to him, he produces that 'arrogance-without-basis mentality'. They don't understand. They are unenlightened idiots. I'm the clever one. I'm sad. I'm disappointed. Why can't they just understand me? I know others feel that it's wrong. But I just trust myself, cos I'm just that darn good.
For the saddest thing in life is when you're too full inside, you'll never learn anything from the outside.
Seeing all the external factors conspiring against him, he resigns to fate and continue to lament about it, never achieving any improvement to the status quo again.
On the other hand, winners look for reasons. For an unsuccessful attempt, the winner concentrate on his own role in it. On what things shouldn't be done did he do. On what things should be done did he NOT do. On what are the faults of his own strategies that led to it. On what can he do, if there is a next time, to improve it. He is specific. He rectifies this problem head on, and one by one.
For such a person, he is confident of his own strategies and methods. But at the same time, he is humble enough to seek and listen to advice, as he understands that his brain is but a limited collection of personal life experiences. He is willing to change once they prove not to work. He takes charge of his own life, and takes the initiative to start action. He does not give up.
Success is easy, but 'failure' is what shapes you as a person, and let you see your true self.
It's easy to blame the world, drown in self-pity. It feels good, really.
But does it achieve anything? Nothing but mere self-consolation.
So are you a winner or a loser?
Someone who takes responsibility, and start action; or someone who blames, and enjoy the feeling of blame and self-consolation?
It seems like only moments ago when the last results were released, and this time round, amazingly, the results come very fast.
I've seen people talked about it. Unexpected first person - Gerrald the trainer, who is coincidentally in NUS year 2 too, in EEE and 1985-born. I told him don't remind me about the results day, yet he keep telling me everyday, accompanied by that beng laughter of his. See you in NUS man.
Or on people's msn nicks, blogs, our trip on taxi home etc.
But seriously, this is the first time I'm feeling so numb about it. Granted, when the hours come, I would feel my heart beating faster perhaps, but this is really the first time I'm so not bothered about it.
Why? Cos I know I won't do well this semester.
People often judge people through their past, and think how well they can do. But as what I learnt these few days, the past does not equate to the future. Glad that I had a slight good talk with Tianhao a few days back at my birthday dinner, and I realised something. When we say we'll do badly, it's through a cold, hard prediction of the individual modules' grades, rather than a vague sentiment on how well/bad we have performed.
And true to what I heard these few days, successful people set very specific goals, and when you set very specific goals rather than be guided by a rough feeling/sentiment of what you want to achieve, you whole mind gears towards that clear goal, rather than that murky feeling which leads you to a range of results you aim subconsiously.
I can't assume for other people, but for modules I've done well and for modules I've not, now I begin to realise the difference.
For modules I've done well, I was very clear about the chapters, and what must I do to get each individual topic fully understood.
On the other hand, for modules I've not done as well, I roughly study, vaguely know the chapters and their content, and my mind is loaded with information in a murky sense, instead of very clear, well-defined pockets of information.
People will suddenly feel like how come I'm like this AK-brainwashed being, but it's true of from an analytical point of view, of how we approach studies.
Well, back to this semester's results. Yup, how come I know I won't do well? For the majority of the modules, I have this murky sense of information inside me. The most obvious one would be Natural Heritage, but luckily I'm sure gonna S/U it. For macro, I managed to define the chapters into fine, distinct-yet-linked pockets of information at the end, but the chui mid-term made it really irrecoverable. For Malay 2, with this sem's haphazard way of teaching, plus a wide array style of notes+articles+verbal teaching, it has again become murky, with no sense of organisation in my brain. For Public, I thrown 7% away in the final exam, and in econs terms, it means no A. For financial, I would dare to say I'll get an A, unless the bell curve is so towards the right.
There you have it, detailed, specific thoughts, before making the comment that I won't do well. Of course, I would be more than happy to be proven wrong =D, but I've made my point about being clear and specific in knowing what to do, and what not to do.
I've learnt the power of imagination today, and I think I can put it to good use. I'm not totally worried this sem, because I can imagine myself working hard next year already, cacooning myself in a room somewhere in RVR, and work towards my Book Prize aim. It's a ridiculous target, but I felt that I'm stretching myself mentally already.
No matter what happens tomorrow, I will work out and pull it back up. I've already imagined the feeling of receiving that piece of paper with the class of honours I want, and seriously, it prep me up for what I need to do.
The feeling of taking charge, the feeling of taking action to achieve what I want will lead me well enough, if I can translate these goals into actions, aided by the correct strategies.
It's good when you somehow have enough sleep, and are somehow familiar with the environment.
I realised that I still like kids, it's still good.
Kids really warm up to you fast, and treat you with the most innocent of intentions.
I feel this simple yet touchingly strong feeling when the kids ask you to sign on their books despite you being an insignificant assistant.
Kids are a terror sometimes of course, but luckily I'm not really in charge of making them behave.
Seeing them cry so loudly was really heartbreaking.
But at the same time, seeing the to me phenomenal number of hugs and kisses with the parents at the end really warmed my heart. It was like a real-life drama unfolding in front of me.
Seeing tears coming out of kids and parents when they hug - priceless.
Of course, it's something that will not feature on their heart 24-7, on every moment of their lives.
But I always believe that what shapes you as a person are the little snippets you learnt when you were young.
My moral values/worldviews are still heavily influenced by the 'bedside lessons' grandma used to tell us. So, I hope they will bring the lessons and use them throughout their lives.
It's good that I'm working with people, instead of boring machines.
It feels good to learn these lessons also.
Last but not least, it feels good to be earning $$$ instead of bumming around
Here's hoping to learning more, and earning more on the next few days =)
ps: I'm really happy that my feedbacks really helped things, especially when I see the results today, at the 2 different areas of the same thing. I will be helping in any implicit ways I can, and sometimes being the 'external check and balance' is better than being involved in the executive, as you're on your own neutral view about the thing from without, instead of being controlled by the 'party whip' from within. No doubt, the first 3 estates are crucial, but the 4th estate is equally important as well. No matter what is the hype surrounding it, I'm here to stay as the 4th estate. We shall not let the state crumble due to some cock person.
"The biggest problem is not knowing your problems"
It couldn't be more appropriate. It seems like I'm paid to learn :D
Work + Iron Man + AI Yes, it's 3.40am now, and as usual, I'm still awake.
I've started 'work' at 10 in the morning, and back at home only at 11pm, and yet I can stay awake until these hours.
Yup, that's how screwed up my body clock is.
I think it was so since the semi-finals of the Champions League, when I watched 2 matches straight. Plus the last minute mad rush for Macro 2 and after that post-exams (with lotsa late night dotas), I've been really screwing my body clock, sleeping at around 3/4am, and waking up at 12/1pm.
Had a tiring but fun day today. It was good meeting Franco (my 'boss' at AK) after like.. ONE YEAR? He hasn't really changed, but the briefing on assistants like us become slightly more professional, so in that sense it's good to see the company grow.
I'll be on a job on Monday already! Due to my prior experience, I was choosen immediately to cover the workshops. Monday Tuesday one school, Wednesday Thursday another. $_$!!
Ok, it has been a good week. Meeting up with the programmers on Tuesday, getting to know some of them better, getting the programmes started.
On Thursday it was the Ocomm meeting. Perhaps due to my eagerness not to drag the time too long, I've kinda make the storyline confusing, my bad. Maybe next time must buay paiseh abit, just say the things I need to say without being afraid to drag everyone's time. But well, it's good, cos everyone seemed to get it in the end, and I can see some of them are quite interested in the filming. For the programmers' side, I'm also very happy to see their enthusiasm in doing things, as it's their first time. We'll see as it goes then =)
Yeah and Ironman! It's always good to catch a Marvel comic movie, it has a plot, but you don't really need too much thinking, just watch and enjoy the action. Thank you :D
Oh yah, I was going to say I became nostalgic when I see people 'talking' about American Idol being won by David Cook. Well, the whole of this season, I did not watch a single episode, that's how busy I was.
Nevermind, it brought me back to listening to my favourite Idol contestant of all time. I might be the only one to like his voice, as vocals that appeal to me is vastly different to what appeal to others.
Yup, if you remember him. He's a fantastic singer :D
Anglican High on CNA Ok it's something random, but seeing this familiar name, the familiar Ping Pong Room, the hall, uniforms, plus the not-so-familiar new block, it certainly brings back memories.
Burn 讲真的，last semester wasn't an easy one. Tuition twice a week + overloading Arts Club involvement (especially for Foodhunt) + burnt weekends + travelling to and fro school almost everyday + Malay 2 + in spite all that, the desperate struggle to maintain my cap above the First-Class level (meaning for NO module I'm allowed to 'give up') really made me feel the feeling of burn-out.
Maybe it is because when I do things, be it CCA, be it studies, I really use a lot of brain power. Forseeing things, covering all aspects of what is being taught, keep thinking of what to improve on etc. It really made me to be on a permanent state of mental 'alert', giving me little rest mentally.
Once the exams were finished, I really want to have a good rest. I really want to let my brain rest for once, not be on the 'alert' mode, but instead, being able to heck care everything, and just plain playing dota and watching my MMPR on youtube everyday.
I really treasure these little times whereby I can rest my brain's 'alertness'. This is perhaps my greatest weakness, as I really do need a lot of rest after the period when I seek the best doing stuff.
I'm excited to do things, but at the same time, I need a break. Not exactly a physical one, but an extended time whereby my brain can just simply... rest. The after-effect of the burn-out is scary. It leads to me needing this extended time.
That's why I'm scared of being busy for CCA, and at the same time, if I were to work, my brain will never get to rest. The worst thing that can happen is that, after the semester burn-out, you suffer even worse "holidays" burn-out, and before you know it, holidays end and you carry the burn-out into the new semester.
As we all know for Year 2 Sem 1, how hard it was to get the mugging engine up again, a continous series of burnouts is really the last thing I want.
Plus that fact that the Dec holidays will not really be a "holiday" with 14 days of high-key ICT (2 outfield excercises WOOT), a prolonged supply side shock is really something I have to avoid.
I really feel like taking out the money right now to cushion me over the holidays, so I can avoid working and this continous burn-out. But at the same time, I'm afraid that the sum will be quite huge until it might compromise my next 2 years, and should I not get the NUS Donated Scholarship for the next academic year due to a dropped CAP (touch wood).
Maybe just let me rest first bah. I'll be a lot ok after that.
Doing work together can be a double-edged sword. Working together brings the closeness to all parties, and at the same time, bring out the hidden characteristics of everyone involved, as clashes of ideas, personalities and styles of execution are inevitable.
When these so-called clashes arise, again it is a double-edged sword, depending on how you wield it. If everyone is sincere, frank, respectful, and most importantly, open to ideas from the other side, and willing to vigorously yet rationally discuss out issues, while complete conviction is impossible (people are usually too stuck up with their past experiences and own way of thinking), a compromise can be reached. Even if that compromise will not make everyone totally happy, everyone could understand each other's point of view, and at least sympathise with things you disagree with.
On the other hand, if the starting point of approaching any clash is the exertion of power (official or charismatic), the defence of one's own ego/reputation/ideas, or with much inherent bias in mind, any point of view from the other side would be misinterprated, much according to what YOU THINK, rather than what THEY SAY.
As such, the ideal starting point of any solving of clashes is what Hock once said was one of the most powerful weapons: An open mind.
But who can be totally open? We are souls trap in a volume-mass called the 'body', and our gathering of information is biased, and often limited. We can only see the world from our eyes, hear the world from our ears, think about the world from what was 'programmed' into us by our past, limited experiences. There is no such thing as a neutral mind, as the 'programmes' this physically bounded volume-mass receives differ from man to man.
In this case, whenever we try to analyse a situation, it is often a judgement on the our own past, rather than a thought through the specifics of the present.
Having experienced and heard about the two opposite ways of approaching disagreement, I think I've learnt something. Yes, to me, it takes 2 hands to clap. I might be a good debater, have strong views, but more often than not, I respect ideas from the 'other side', and am open to different ideas. However, as such, I demand this equal open-mindedness and respect from the 'other side', if not, I'll find it totally meaningless to engage in dialouge, if the default mechanism is about satisfying one's irrational emotional outbursts, defending one's own interests, without ever willing to acknowledge the source of the problem and what can be done to solve it.
I've experienced the former approach, and it felt really good. Totally frank, totally candid, and totally objective analysis put in the most understanding tone. On the other hand, I would be rather disappointed if people are never frank to me, but it about positive or negative stuff, especially if he/she is a so-called close friend.
My point of this long post? Next time when discussing things with me, please be frank, especially if you treat me as a friend. It applies to everyone.
Random thoughts - seeing a double decker 225 (green plate) in the usual trunk service bus feels weird, but pleasantly surprising and it vowed me. - despite being closed down for many years, MXPS's building still lay intact. Looking at the building, memories kind of came back. The basketball court with rough floor, the expressway alongside the road leading to the parade square, the red-bricked floors of the main building. - coupled with seeing Haijiao on Tuesday briefly on the way to Bedok interchange, i kinda miss primary school days. - finally ran after the examination period torture. running with phlem in the oesophagus is torturous. I think I must have coughed 100 times and spitted 1000 litres of phlem unto the grasses during the run. I felt like choking on the phlem and dying, that's how bad it was. Nonetheless, I completed the usual route. - running alone can be well, lonely, and unmotivating. It's good I pressed on, stopping only when the cough gets real serious, and chionged for the last part.
Haha, a simple chat perhaps re-consolidated what I learnt in soci. No matter what we do, there are lines. We are just made to draw them.
Since Harry asked us 'WHAT are you, and WHO are you?", two simple questions to begin the soci tutorials, it kinda struck me as how we define ourselves.
Who are you? The society defines you. A boy? Gender definition. Youngest son? Family definition. A university student? Social role definition. A Chinese? Ethnic definition. A Teochew? Further ethnic definition. Singaporean? Statehood definition.
People draw lines, and people NEED lines to define themselves, to give themselves a notion of self-worth, to tell themselves they are part of a bigger society out there. When you see a male, stranger or friend, the notion of NS, soccer, dota, dirty jokes all come to mind, that sense of 'brotherhood'. When we see a fellow Teochew, that sense of common root, language, culture comes to mind. When we see China rising after so many years of Civil Wars, internal conflicts and foreign bullying, that sense of pride being Chinese seeing China host the Olympics comes, even when it is no business of yours. When we see Singaporeans abroad, even though we might not know each other, we feel a sense of bond, a sense of similiarity.
People need identities, multiple ones that is, to define themselves, to give themselves more (imagined) 'groups' to identify themselves with. Inevitably, imaginary lines are drawn across these 'groupings'.
The line is almost like a magical thing. Inside the line, the sense of identity, the sense of togetherness, the sense of similiarity. Outside the line, 'outsiders', different people, not involved with us. As what Philosophy 1101E taught me too, to unify what's inside the line, you need things that are outside the line too, to make people feel they are indeed special being inside. Confusing?
For example: Right now, globally, people are organised into countries, or states. For now, the lines are drawn between countries. For people to identify themselves as fellow citizens, other than the existence of the country itself, you need other countries to be there, in order for people to feel unique about being this particular country's citizens.
On the other hand, people do not feel that they are part of the Earth as a whole, not yet. That is why when policies are made, we see a trading, or compromise on each countries' interest, rather than what's best for the world, on a global level. But what if aliens decide to invade us and we have to defend the Earth together? Ha, then suddenly, the line becomes that of the Earthlings vs. the Aliens. Right now, there are no known Aliens invading us, so it's rather hard to make people think themselves as a group called "Earthlings", make policies that cut across state lines, and think of the world as a whole.
What's my point? Lines are there, and will always be there. They are necessary, for the people inside to feel the bond, for people to feel they are part of something 'special'. However, at the same time, it might lead to people feeling weird outside.
But what I feel is, as long as the lines drawn do not lead to people clashing with one another (e.g. racist acts, wars etc etc), it's part of life, and it's perfectly alright. So what's the matter man? Accept it, and we'll live peacefully and cooperatively =)
Money and Flexibility Really nothing to do online, so I went to check my NUS email.
Then I realised the day for the GIRO deduction for the advance rental for RVR is over, not knowing if I do indeed have GIRO, I went to check my bank account online, and I saw $200 being deducted already.
Good! It means it's really confirmed that I do not have to shuttle from BEDOK to bloody NUS everyday, for the ending part of the coming FOP, and the coming semester year =D
But one thing I realised is, my bank account is bloody low now. With tuition taking a break as my students' exams ended + the upcoming school holidays, I NEED MONEY.
Meaning I HAVE TO WORK, and I can't really bump around, damn.
Luckily, a simple SMS to Franco, my boss at Adam Khoo's, and tada, there are jobs!! =D
Hopefully, it can provide me some cash, and at the same time, the flexibility if I were to be involved in Arts Camp and time for preparation for Oweek. =D
It will be a lonely job though, but aiyah. I have enough friends to make me look forward to FOP. So, all is well =)
Final day of the 07/08 EPL Season After the final day of the academic year 07/08, it's now the final day of the EPL 07/08 season!
For the first time in a long, long while, we have final-day deciders in almost all parts of the table, making it really a grand finale for the EPL.
Championship: Where all the talk is, with Man Utd to win, and Chelsea needing to win and hoping Man Utd not to, it promises to have 2 frantic, all-out attack matches at the JJB and Stamford Bridge. Everybody's saying both teams will win the matches, but remember this. It really reminded me of 1994/5 season final day, where Man Utd needed to win West Ham at Upton Park, and hope that Rovers draw/lose to Liverpool at Anfield. Rovers did their part (in losing, unfortunately), but Man Utd screwed it up! Who won the EPL that year? Obvious :D
Uefa Cup places: With the FA and Carling Cups going to non-"Big 4" clubs, the Uefa Cup place in the league is restricted to the team that finishes 5th. On that count, the inter-toto cup place, the more arduous journey into the Uefa Cup, will go the the 6th-place team.
5th: Everton looks spot on to get the spot (pun not intended), unless they lose to Newcastle, and Villa wins West Ham (choy). Rovers, on the other hand, still have a chance to snatch 6th place from Aston Villa, provided they better Villa's result. Impossible? It's West Ham vs Villa! What happened during 1995? Hmm.
At the relegation front, Fulham, Reading and Birmingham are 'fighting' to not be the 2 out of the 3 to be relegated, so it will be a good show too, regarding matches involving them.
I've seen, other than Spurs vs Liverpool, Sunderland vs Arsenal, Boro vs Man City, the rest of the matches do carry significance for the Championship, the European places, and the relegation places.
Halfway point. Selepas masa panjang, peperiksaan-peperisksaan sudah habis.
Saya berasa, peperiksaan waktu ini tidak sangat susah, tetapi saya tidak akan mendapat grades yang baik.
Saya telah menjadi sakit apabila saya sedang belajar untuk peperiksaan Macro 2 dan Bahasa Melayu 2, oleh itu, saya tidak belajar banyak juga.
Tetapi tidak apalah, ia sudah habis!
Pada 30 haribulan Mei, saya akan tahu ia baik tak. =P
Well, after a loooooooooooooooooooong time, exams are finally over. Strangely, after my handing up of the Malay 2 paper, I don't feel the feeling of freeeeeeeeeedom yet, I'm just tired.
Maybe it's the 'seasoned' feel, maybe it's because I'm sick, maybe it's because I'm not entirely confident of my results this time.
Well, perhaps it just takes time (+ a lot of tower defences + a lot of oweek preparation + a lot of MOBTV + a lot of DOTA + a lot of KTVs + a lot of soccer) to sink in, and I'll feel a whole lot better.
Right now, just enjoy the 'blank-in-the-mind' feeling! :D
Strangely, it marks the reaching of the halfway point, and I'm really halfway to graduation. Some friends graduated one year ago, very few this year (Cecilia, Meihui, Xiong), another batch of (younger) females will one year later, and me and the rest of the honours gang 2 years later.
Well, the past 2 years have been a blast, but I believe it's not going to be symmetrical for the next two, as I'll be mugging damn fiercely (with a hall room wheee!!), going to gun for the Book Prize (SEP people you're out of contention waha!), and not really doing all the fun ocomm stuff anymore.
This FOP period, perhaps I won't be in internship, perhaps I won't be earning much money from working, but it will be really, my last burst of CCA fire.
Dua sudah turun, tiga akan datang It seems like everyone's updating about exams.
It's only like Monday since I started my exams, but it seems like a long, long time already.
I think everyone knows I've been staying in the clubroom for many days, going home for 1 day like after every 3 days.
Maybe it's the 'lack of going home' effect?
This week is about 2 'must A' modules (to cover for my chuied macro and unpredictable Malay 2).
EC3333: Financial Economics - Monday, 9am.
3333 is a nice number, everyone's talked about it, haha. Well, the paper is 30 MCQ + 2 short answers.
MCQs: Other than 2 or 3 questions which ask about simple concepts, EVERY question is just a test of your memorising of the formulae, but substituting in values in the compute the last unknown. 5 variables in the formula? I'll give you 4 values, you sub in, and solve for the 5th.
Not to haolian or whatsoever, seriously, that's how easy it was. The only people whom can get questions wrong are the ones who memorised the formulae wrong, or messed up with simple concepts.
Short answers: It looked tedious and confusing, as it did not really have numbers, but simply "w" as the weight, and we had to answer everything, i.e. expected return, variance in term of "w". And we had to find the "w" for the minimum variance, so people who are good in maths (like teeki) will know it's simply to differentiate w.r.t. w, and equate to zero.
The other question, again, is about substituting numbers into formulae.
From there, I'm kinda grateful for my E, A, C , F maths trainings in sec school and JC, and I cannot emphasise enough to my tuition kids how solid foundation during your early years is vital for further education, as on higher education, you're ASSUMED to know everything, e.g. integration by parts, product rule, quotient rule, summation (finite and to infinity).
Conclusion: quite confident, but you never know.
EC3351: Public Finance - Wednesday, 5pm
After watching Man Utd vs Barca, (using the projector in the meeting room LOL), we were kinda damn seh.
Overall, it was OK, but obviously not as good as 3333. For Question 1, the compulsory question, I think I got the tax graph wrong, so it's 7 marks gone (ouch). Other than that, I would like to think I got the calculations correct, as I've checked it many, many times.
For question 3, well, lucky it was my pet topic, tax on income, and VOTING. It was quite easy, but maybe I lost some marks when I forget to talk about the loss of producer surplus.
For question 2, well, for the last part, I forgot to make the labour quantity same, and another 2 marks gone I suppose.
Conclusion: Overall, I hope maximum 11 marks gone (out of 60), and (wickedly) that everyone not enough time to do/ made some mistakes. Should be an A-, sadly, but hope for an A.
And and and, I'm really grateful to people in the clubroom. I'm very sorry if I whine like an idiot in the clubroom. I know, being someone who was on the DL, I 'have no right' to whine about my worries not getting As, while others are fretting about getting really poor grades. But what you see is what you get lah. I mean no harm, and in no way want to make anyone feel bad, but I'm just whining when I really feel sad or worried about something.
I'm really grateful to people like Xinyu, who always sms us to jiayou. To Evelyn, who will provide me with optimistic (although not very realistic lah, but I know lah haha) scenarios. To Kaiwei, who always say "A+ A+, dean's list!" to me. To Zhimin, who will listen to me worry about not getting A while he's getting lower grades. I know it's hard to encourage people who do better than you, so I'm really grateful for these friends.
Of course, to everyone else, like Joshua, Jeremy, Hweeguang, May, Zheng Chuan, Michelle, Remmy and Caleb for their consistent company, to make this period a lot more bearable.
