Monday, June 29, 2009
Arts Camp
Yeah went back for Arts Camp this weekend.
Well, what can I say? Arts Camp (or FOP for that matter) has never left our hearts, but well, this time when we went back, really feels very weird not to be involved. Not a proper OG, not in the Ocomm, not really doing anything.
And of course, when I'm quite used to the 'groove' of work, coming back to school is like quite weird. It's like I totally remember what happened last year, but the feeling just isn't there. Suddenly Arts Camp or FOP seems so inconsequential.
However, as the day goes, I kinda get more and more into the mood. But then, the problem of fitting into where still exists. So, on Sunday, I did not really join in, and left kinda early. Needed some rest before work today.
Today is really quite sian, cos beach day is definitely the most fun day! Super sian not to be involved, especially since I'm the beach games ic last year. For beach day, cos everyone is there, maybe sit down there see people play also shiok.
But in office it was quite good lah. I always like meetings (weird me), like how people (we interns) can come together to share knowledge and discuss findings.
And finally! I have finished the 'research' part of my project, so it's time to do some kickass analysis.
Well, for Oweek I'll be back, I decided to be more thick-skinned just to be there. Am I doing this for myself or for the camp? I hope it's both.
Yes, it's less than 3 weeks to go, so yup, FOP one last time?
Dunno leh, really hard for me to mentally wear 2 hats at one time - one as a policy-revising c.servant, one as a student - both are really contrasting, really.
Aiyah, never mind lah. For Oweek, just do it.
P.S. Very shag to follow my friends on so many fronts sia! Blogs, Facebook, and now Twitter. Can't one person just have one webpage for friends to follow? Rrgh.
lowtide blogged @
11:11 pm
Thursday, June 18, 2009
-AR
The grass is always greener on the other side.
A bit more brains but laden with around 200k of debt to clear, or a lesser but already a way above average brain with no debt to clear (plus quite a bit more)?
It seems quite clear to me, haha.
The born slacker in me have been bothered about all these very long term financing options since a very big (positive) change to my finances is poised to occur. By right, it should be a very happy thing (I still am, plus a lot of gratitude), but perhaps this happy little door actually opened up a bigger but sadder door behind. All these while, I was hiding behind the door, and I have just been planning up to my graduation, when I would just nice exhaust all my money.
It's like that bah. When you don't get it, you moan and be sad. When you finally got it after working so darn hard for it, you compare to the 200k mountain and feel that it's not enough.
Once I saw Xinyu's nick, and I thought it was very meaningful. It was in Chinese though.
Grade 1 person: Capable and good temper
Grade 2 person: Capable but bad temper
Grade 3 person: Not capable but good temper
Grade 4 person: Not capable and bad temper
Actually, a lot of times, people prefer the grade 3 person to the grade 2 person. And to be a grade 4 person is really the worst.
That points out the importance of EQ. Without IQ, perhaps you can't go far, but people will like you, and that makes you like whatever you're doing, and perhaps experience will drive you up. Without EQ, things can still be achieved, but well, it will be one-off - it's like watching a bad movie - you'll finish it somehow, but you'll never enjoy it; yet at the same time, people can't know how the movie is until they start watching it.
So, who's grass is greener? I'm grateful for what I have, but for now, the grass on my side is not that green yet.
lowtide blogged @
12:08 am
Sunday, June 14, 2009
Dream v.s. Reality
The actual work that we are supposed to do for the internship is, to me, a very small part that what I feel is important.
I'm glad that I have the chance to go around talking to people about work, and their experiences.
At the same time, reading some of my friends' blogs and sharing of their thoughts via other means, it allowed me to link these points together.
You know, in work, I keep being reminded of how Singapore is a kinda 'developed' country, yet at the same time, we still have a very 'developing' mindset.
Please allow me to explain.
It's like, one side of me, having seen and hear how the older generation, having little education, in their very individual private lives, endured, toiled, and worked hard. Individually, they are just fighting to improve their very own lives. But collectively, they achieved this level of standard of living we see around our island today.
At the other end of the spectrum, we, the young people, are caught in between. For people from poorer families like me (my family isn't exactly poor now, but they certainly work hard to be financially comfortable), I admire how the older generation worked really hard. About their harsh reality of not being able to afford higher education even though they had the brains to do so. About how they worked in labour jobs during the school holidays to supplement their family incomes. About how they toiled hard in their work for decades for what we see as meagre pay today.
At the same time, we get exposed to all these funny, but really liberating 'western' ideals. Follow your heart. Do what you love. Dare to dream. Dream big and you can achieve. You can be what you want as long as you put enough hard work into it.
The lack of material hardship for our generation, coupled with the funny 'western' ideals, contradicted harshly with the experiences and the spirit of the older generation. When we want to be 'choosy' about our jobs - you know, the usual yada yada - find a job you 'really like', find a job that does not bound you to the desk, find a job that is 'different' from what the 'majority' is doing, the 'developing' side of us smacks us right in the head. What's that about 'finding a job you really like'? It's merely a way to mask your lack of endurance for hardship. It's just that you have never suffered before, that's why you can afford to be choosy, as all your basic material needs have already been provided for by your 'can't choose but to work hard' parents. You're merely enjoying the luxury of being 'choosy' because your parents are suffering for you. How selfish to be choosy when essentially you are just not willing to go through the hardship your parents went through!
Other the other hand, when we want to stick to reality, i.e. find a higher-paying job you have significantly less interest in, those 'western' ideals pop out in our heads. Come on, it's your life. You only live once. Don't waste it. You're gonna work for more than 40 years. Take charge of your life. Money's not everything. Go for it. Go for what you like.
So, when someone says that he/she wants to do something that he/she loves, is it really to make his/her life more fulfilling? Or is it merely an excuse to hide one's poor endurance for hardship, as he/she has never suffered any in the material sense? When the bank account grows painfully slow to be able to afford the HDB mortgages + study loans + healthcare + childcare costs, can the avoidance of reality still be comfortable behind the cushy walls of passion?
When he/she finally succumbs to reality and brings these walls down, the account grows, but does the soul diminish?
It's really hard, at least for me. When I keep wanting to find that 'perfect' job, there is one part of me that I have to admit that is really really avoiding hard work. The mentality of just wanting to slack my life away, totally irregard what my older generation did to bring me to where I am. And at the same time, earn a good wage! By simple economics, it's possible, but highly improbable.
For me, that's not much of a choice. Reality is of course the first course I have to take. But once the loans are cleared, you get sick of the same cycle for 5 or more years, what's next? Should I just toughen myself up to be able to take more monotony or hardship, or should I just be contented with life, earn a lot less, but live with the potentially severe negative consequences?
Sometimes, it's easier for people to go with the flow, than for people who think so much.
So, here we have with a very 'developed' country (Live your life to the fullest), but yet stuck with a very 'developing' mindset (individual - if you don't work super hard, you're gonna suffer; country - if we don't work super hard, our economy's gonna go down and we'll go back to being poor).
So what do you choose, and REALLY why?
P.S. Why do you wake up in the morning?
- It used to be very simple - to get wonderful grades to signal to future employers that I'm good, hence earn a good wage to clear all the heavy debts piling up, waiting for me
- But waking up early every morning to work, imagining me doing this almost everyday for up to 40 years, I freaked out
- But maybe it's always good to have alternative views challenging what you always thought was the best - you have the chance to think out of the box, to find freedom in more than ways the society prescribed for you =)
P.P.S. YES 4TH TIME!!!! (and probably the last time, lol)
=) =) =) =)
lowtide blogged @
1:44 am
Tuesday, June 02, 2009
OMG
Sometimes hardwork really pays off.
You know, it has been so many years of self-reproach, so many years of regret. About the young and playful me.
And 6 semesters of hardwork. In every module. In every project I did. Struggling for time and energy after 6 hrs of tuition weekly.
I hope that this time I can say, I finally made it.
No slacking off for the coming one year, and yes! I will end this struggling cycle.
P.S. Things have been going so smooth, until it's really scary. Seriously. I more used to struggles and disappointments throughout my life. I will humbly accept this bull run, keep my head down, and keep toiling =)
lowtide blogged @
11:25 pm
