Monday, May 19, 2008
Burn
讲真的，last semester wasn't an easy one. Tuition twice a week + overloading Arts Club involvement (especially for Foodhunt) + burnt weekends + travelling to and fro school almost everyday + Malay 2 + in spite all that, the desperate struggle to maintain my cap above the First-Class level (meaning for NO module I'm allowed to 'give up') really made me feel the feeling of burn-out.
Maybe it is because when I do things, be it CCA, be it studies, I really use a lot of brain power. Forseeing things, covering all aspects of what is being taught, keep thinking of what to improve on etc. It really made me to be on a permanent state of mental 'alert', giving me little rest mentally.
Once the exams were finished, I really want to have a good rest. I really want to let my brain rest for once, not be on the 'alert' mode, but instead, being able to heck care everything, and just plain playing dota and watching my MMPR on youtube everyday.
I really treasure these little times whereby I can rest my brain's 'alertness'. This is perhaps my greatest weakness, as I really do need a lot of rest after the period when I seek the best doing stuff.
I'm excited to do things, but at the same time, I need a break. Not exactly a physical one, but an extended time whereby my brain can just simply... rest. The after-effect of the burn-out is scary. It leads to me needing this extended time.
That's why I'm scared of being busy for CCA, and at the same time, if I were to work, my brain will never get to rest. The worst thing that can happen is that, after the semester burn-out, you suffer even worse "holidays" burn-out, and before you know it, holidays end and you carry the burn-out into the new semester.
As we all know for Year 2 Sem 1, how hard it was to get the mugging engine up again, a continous series of burnouts is really the last thing I want.
Plus that fact that the Dec holidays will not really be a "holiday" with 14 days of high-key ICT (2 outfield excercises WOOT), a prolonged supply side shock is really something I have to avoid.
I really feel like taking out the money right now to cushion me over the holidays, so I can avoid working and this continous burn-out. But at the same time, I'm afraid that the sum will be quite huge until it might compromise my next 2 years, and should I not get the NUS Donated Scholarship for the next academic year due to a dropped CAP (touch wood).
Maybe just let me rest first bah. I'll be a lot ok after that.
Doing work together can be a double-edged sword. Working together brings the closeness to all parties, and at the same time, bring out the hidden characteristics of everyone involved, as clashes of ideas, personalities and styles of execution are inevitable.
When these so-called clashes arise, again it is a double-edged sword, depending on how you wield it. If everyone is sincere, frank, respectful, and most importantly, open to ideas from the other side, and willing to vigorously yet rationally discuss out issues, while complete conviction is impossible (people are usually too stuck up with their past experiences and own way of thinking), a compromise can be reached. Even if that compromise will not make everyone totally happy, everyone could understand each other's point of view, and at least sympathise with things you disagree with.
On the other hand, if the starting point of approaching any clash is the exertion of power (official or charismatic), the defence of one's own ego/reputation/ideas, or with much inherent bias in mind, any point of view from the other side would be misinterprated, much according to what YOU THINK, rather than what THEY SAY.
As such, the ideal starting point of any solving of clashes is what Hock once said was one of the most powerful weapons: An open mind.
But who can be totally open? We are souls trap in a volume-mass called the 'body', and our gathering of information is biased, and often limited. We can only see the world from our eyes, hear the world from our ears, think about the world from what was 'programmed' into us by our past, limited experiences. There is no such thing as a neutral mind, as the 'programmes' this physically bounded volume-mass receives differ from man to man.
In this case, whenever we try to analyse a situation, it is often a judgement on the our own past, rather than a thought through the specifics of the present.
Having experienced and heard about the two opposite ways of approaching disagreement, I think I've learnt something. Yes, to me, it takes 2 hands to clap. I might be a good debater, have strong views, but more often than not, I respect ideas from the 'other side', and am open to different ideas. However, as such, I demand this equal open-mindedness and respect from the 'other side', if not, I'll find it totally meaningless to engage in dialouge, if the default mechanism is about satisfying one's irrational emotional outbursts, defending one's own interests, without ever willing to acknowledge the source of the problem and what can be done to solve it.
I've experienced the former approach, and it felt really good. Totally frank, totally candid, and totally objective analysis put in the most understanding tone. On the other hand, I would be rather disappointed if people are never frank to me, but it about positive or negative stuff, especially if he/she is a so-called close friend.
My point of this long post? Next time when discussing things with me, please be frank, especially if you treat me as a friend. It applies to everyone.
lowtide blogged @
2:27 am
