Saturday, October 09, 2010
To avoid flooding facebook
Actually I live a rather comfortable life now. Ok that's at least financially. Right now, I'm able to take taxi home once in a while without feeling too guilty, able to buy shoes/clothes that I like periodically with sufficient budget. This is way better than the yesteryears, starting from primary school when I didn't even bear to spend the entire of my 50cents pocket money on a small cup of soft drink after playing soccer. Trips to fun locations such as the zoo, movies are certainly out of the way (gratefully other than via the kindness of xiao gu, a great woman I have a lot of respect for). Not to mention overseas trips, non-existent.
Secondary school was better, with me able to afford some 1 cheap meal a day, and that's it. Careful planning/squeezing is needed if I wanted to afford drinks after soccer.
JC was then a little bit better, with me able to afford 1 meal + 1 or 2 drinks everyday, but movies and other luxuries are still largely out of the way.
Why am I saying this? It's because I'm really afraid that I'll be so comfortable in my current stage that I forgot where I came from, or the journey I've been through. To be honest, it sucks to need to scrimp and save for things you want, even as simple as a cold drink after soccer. I'm also afraid I'll catch the Gen-Y disease - as I get too comfortable, I'm unable to take hardship anymore. I'm afraid to lose that resilience I once had. Even though I do not want to return to those sian days, I have to remind myself not to lose memory of those days I had, and that determined character built from those times. I can sense myself losing it.
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Mdm Kwa's passing away only served to confirm the epiphany I had one night sleeping in PGP. No matter how capable you are, how much you possess in the world, how great your life is, one day, you'll pass away, and you can't bring anything back.
From a third person point of view, looking at people feeling emo about the things in life, you can't help but wonder how long can the thing last even you indeed get what you want? Life is like a HDB flat - even in name you own it, but in actual fact it is a running timer - there is a limited time period of lease. And upon the lease expiry, you would have to return it, and all that you have paid will go to nothing.
Ok if you achieved more, or if you earned more, the thing will follow you a few more decades, and that's it. It's not forever. Nothing is. Yes, you will live on in your descendants' hearts. But they (along with their memories) will die rather soon too right? Unless you are some famous/highly-important person which books will remember you. Until the extinction of the human race. Judging by how we consume the Earth's resources, it wouldn't be too far away.
Of course, to view worldly things with such 胸襟 (for the lag of an English equivalent), it's way easier said than done. I was superbly delighted when I got first class honours after 4 years of hard work. I am still very happy for the few-hundred pay adjustment last week. I know these things wouldn't last, yet I'm so stuck in and feel so happy for them.
Lesson: Nothing lasts forever. As the poem goes "There's a time for everything. A time to...". As much as possible, do both. Plan from a whole life perspective, and really make use of every day.
From money, to time, to where to travel, to what to learn, to who to love.
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Yes, I admit I had tears in my eyes when I saw the old man plant 2 kisses using his wrinkled hand on his wife's body in the coffin. At that instant he wasn't the all-powerful man we know. He was just a helpless old man, as vulnerable to mortality as the rest of us is. The loneliness must be painful and consuming. I sympathise the death, but more so with the living.
And don't be mistaken. This scene will happen to all of us one day.
lowtide blogged @
9:07 am
