Thursday, April 20, 2006
All RandomFinally did my first OT on tuesday.. FOUR HOURS!
The company's system is going through some upgrade, and work had to be rushed before the old system shuts down.
I'm amazed by my stamina at work.
Back then in HQ coy, waking up at 0730 was a chore, and even walking one storey down to my office, I felt like a zombie.
Now, I could wake up at 0715 everyday, don my working attire and make my way through the bustling crowd, still feeling fresh at every start of the day.
And with this new-found stamina, I managed to work until 10pm on tuesday, and still watch Da Chang Jin and the 11pm channel u news.
Army has trained me well. I don't mean directly, but it provided the constrast to make me feel that anything is better.
The notion of being able to go home everyday and face the world outside rather than trapped in some stupid, enclosed and isolated perimeter with stupid, bossy, cold, 'uncaring' old men has constantly made me treasure what I have, despite any physical or mental fatigue I may feel.
Today the cycle starts again, and mentally I'm still not tired.
It's really amazing.
I kept myself feeling positive this period.
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What a roller-coaster ride.
Care - made me feel good.
Next day, everything came down.
I know something is going on all this while.. but when it becomes blatantly obvious..
I actually felt sad.
Yes, sad.
This is a feeling I hadn't
allowed myself to feel for a long time.
I tried to be positive, I learnt to cherish every little thing I have in life, I tried to live my life to the fullest with whatever limited resources I could make do with.
I want to be happy and I tried to be happy.
I am happy but how long can I sustain it?
I know what I want.
But I never knew how to achieve it.
Maybe, deep down, I always am that emotional little boy.
Maturity led me to think that I'm happy.
But am I really really happy?
I'm not.
Once the seeds are planted into the soils of your heart, roots grow.
Once the roots grow, it is impossible to remove them.
You can only bury them in tons and tons of soil called time, and you hope you would never see them again.
But sometimes, earthquakes do happen and the soil will break, and these roots are exposed to you again.
Try with all your might, the roots will never be uphended.
So you just try to bury them in soil again.
Earthquakes come and the cycle repeats.
This root isn't old, isn't new and I'm already sad.
Damn. I'm too emotional.
lowtide blogged @
12:18 am
