Thursday, March 29, 2007
SheBorn in a kampung a few years after the Japanese Occupation, life, to her, was simple.
The attap house was the place to live, and life revolved just around her parents and siblings.
Born as the eldest, and female, child of the family, she never knew life as what we are made to believe - beauty, enjoyment and pleasures.
To her, life was simply what was in front of her - obligations, obligations, and more obligations.
Since young, taking care of younger siblings and taking on of the role of the 'third' parent seemed second nature to her.
Life is this, and this is life.
Without ever pausing by, she accepted whatever role assigned to her by a larger scheme of things called 'life', having no additional mental space to reflect what's the beauty, enjoyment and pleasures she was enjoying, or was ever going to enjoy.
Studying was never her forte. Despite putting much effort into her academics, she never seemed to do well in them.
Facing this problem, she returned to being the 'third' parent.
Back to the life of obligations, obligations, and more obligations.
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From the 70s t0 the 80s, massive industrialisation took place across the country.
The kampung, the place dearest to her, the only place she knew as her way of life, the place where she grew to love, was destroyed and she had to relocate to these strange, little square caves in tall buildings known as government flats.
She knew that for the progress of the country, changes had to be made. Again, the larger scheme of things called 'life' must be respected, and she can only accept and respond to it.
Wanting to contribute to the family income, she went to the newly-built, foreign-owned factories to earn a living.
Despite being armed with negligible academic qualifications, and a lack of natural fortitude for new things, she was willing to learn. Bearing with the alien environment, the pay of the booming industry was not high, but at least comfortable.
She was the 'model' worker of the industrialisation Singapore economy - willing to take hardship, accept relatively low pay, and having little complaints.
Deep down, she believed everything the television and newspapers said. She was willing to adapt to the new circumstances, just as to fulfill her long-held duties in 'life' - obligations, obligations, and more obligations.
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To unite the disporate dialect-speaking Chinese community in Singapore, the government lauched the 'Speak Mandarin Campaign'.
Again, she had massive faith in the government.
The family, brought up in a Teochew-speaking environment, began to speak Mandarin, and astonishingly, even in private conversations amongst the family.
Personal sacrifices were nothing, as long as she fufilled her obligations - again, dictated by the larger scheme of things called 'life'.
The 70s and 80s were never easy, but at least it was comfortable.
Factory work was the only thing she knew how to do, but it was enough, as the factories are springing up one after another.
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Then, the 1990s came.
Suddenly, television reports in 1997 said the economy was going down.
Being a low-skilled worker under a foreign-owned company, retrenchment was inevitable.
Despite the setback, bearing the obligations to the family in mind, she found another job in the next few months.
The new job paid significantly less for the same job. But to her, this is 'life', and again, her incalculative mind drove her back into work.
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Sars hit the nation in 2003. Again, the economy plummeted, and once again, the low-skilled worker got retrenched.
In the absence of laws to protect the low-skilled workers, all she had as her retrechment payment was ONE WEEK'S PAY FOR EVERY YEAR WORKED.
That's SIX WEEKS' PAY FOR SIX YEARS OF WORK.
She never knew what the sense of injustice is about. To her, the most important thing was to look for a job, again to fulfill her long-held obligations to the family.
Factory work was the only thing she knew how to do.
But unlike the 80s, this time, it was not enough.
Less and less factories are in Singapore now.
Touring the Bedok interchange, suddenly, all the people wearing full baby blue uniforms looked simliar to her. Upon closer inspection, all of them, like her, spoke Mandarin too.
But something was different.
Funny accents laden with a warped Cantonese tune. Funny high-pitched Mandarin that you can only hear in Huan Zhu Ge Ge shows.
Suddenly, a new reality hit her.
麻坡的华语 became not funny at all.
Undeterred, she went around to look for the only thing she knew how to do.
But now, the 'digital divide', as often coined in the media, was too big a gap for her.
With little education, finally, she failed.
She lacked the muscle to jump over this 'divide'.
Faced with this startling new reality, she knew she was obsolete.
Like many older Singaporean workers, she had no choice...
She became a cleaner.
Cleaning up after physically healthier and younger Singaporeans.
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Years of physical work finally took its toll on her frail, petite frame.
She fell sick.
In the past, seeing a sinseh was easy. Just go to the local sinseh, speak to him in Teochew, and get the medicine back home to brew.
Now, it was different. Seeing one doctor, the doctor referred her to the polyclinic, which the polyclinic then referred her to the hospital.
The whole process was in English.
Knowing no English at all, she had to turn to her family.
Previously, she did not want to bother anyone at all. That's just her. To her, there are only obligations to other people, and any help she needs from other people renders her troublesome.
Accompanied by some family members, she went to the hospital.
Upon arrival into the hospital, she was at a loss on what to do.
Colourful signboards greeted her around the hospital, with clearly written words springing up to give very clear directions.
The only problem was, it was in English.
The hospital treatment was again, full of complicated procedures. From one clinic, she had to walk to another for tests. Then, she had to walk to another clinic for scans. Next, she had to walk back to see the doctor, which only after a fortnight later, could she come back to collect the results. At every clinic, she had to answer the same questions: age, mensus, maritial status etc etc etc.
Deep down in her heart, she was glad her family was helping out.
She looked around at the lonely old couples, thinking, "How are they supposed to navigate around these clinics of the hospital without anyone's help?"
As time goes by, the more this new reality dawned on her.
The Singapore now is remarkably different from the Singapore she came to know.
From the television and newspapers, she came to know that Singapore had rapidly progressed within the last 2 decades.
But to her, progress was but a faraway thing she saw on TV.
All she knew was, the only job she can do now is that of a cleaner.
The world outside is no longer the world she is familiar with.
Suddenly, she feels so out of place, so alienated by the country she grew to love.
Feeling down, she chose to lock herself in her house, refusing to go out to face the outside world.
Looking at the TV blankly, she sits in the living room of her house, reminiscing about the beautiful 70s and 80s...
When she can still recognise the Singapore outside.
When TV was still comprehensible.
When her parents were still alive.
When her siblings were still in close contacts with one another.
When she could get a factory job so easily.
Not knowing how to face this alien world, she continues to stare at the TV everyday, waiting for the inevitable...
lowtide blogged @
1:15 am
Thursday, March 22, 2007
Update?Erm.. haven't really been blogging for like.. 1 month+??
After these days of non-blogging, somehow I feel blogging is like falling in love --- it's a habit.
When you have it, you feel like doing it consistently, and once you lose it, it's hard to get it back, although the habit is always somewhere, at the back of your head.
Yes and right now, like blogging, falling in love is something I think I've lost the habit to, and yet somehow, it is always at the back of my head.
"So what are you waiting for?"
Such a simple question, yet at the same time, I have no answer to it.
Perhaps I've just lost it.
The excuses I can give are objective circumstances, plus the objective criteria that I personally set.
"You're like looking for a tuition teacher. Must .... , ..... "
It had all the elements of a joke, but the profound meanings behind it struck me at that instant.
I smiled, but at the same time.. a very serious lesson descended upon me.
Isn't love subjective instead of objective? Why attach conditions, symbols and exclusions due to the latter?
I don't know.. Perhaps sometimes, I'm so self, rationally-socialised that I forgot the irrational part of myself.
Can a heart that has been so heavily dosed with anesthesia live and breathe again?
I'm trying, I'm trying.
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Foodhunt'07 has concluded.
Erm, I'm not sure how to feel of it... as stated in my msn, indeed i'm 有点欣慰，有点舍不得...
I'm happy because as what Xinyu said, our very dear baby has been a rocking success.. On that day, everywhere I went, all I saw were happy faces felt with anticipation, and the "thank you"s, "great job"s, "well done"s really made the effort worthwhile.
It was my first big project in NUS (I did not really contribute much to the Sports Bazaar Ocomm I felt), and I'm really proud of myself and my Ocomm. This comm is quite a unique one I'll say.. Everyone were quite full of ideas, drive, commitment, humour that made every meeting fun yet purposeful.
Seldom did we waste time discussing non-related stuff which was usually expected in meetings. And when you think that being efficient and capable would make the whole process very dull and political.. it was exactly the opposite! There were little politics, if any, and plenty of fun.. I dunno what exactly clicked, but we did! So, as what many of us has said, I really loved this Ocomm =)
The sense of satisfaction from seeing all our plans on the drawing board translate to real participants running around and having fun still lingers in my mind.. and I can't stop smiling whenever I think back of 17th March 2007.
Upon completion of Foodhunt, while we are indeed very happy and relieved everything went according to plan -- points tabulation, stalls, zero accidents, even the weather (save for some minor congestion at stalls in the beginning).. the sudden completion of everything does bring an empty feeling in me. Gone were the days where we keep thinking of how to improve Foodhunt, and cover every bit of detail til perfection.
I'll be posting pictures of Foodhunt soon! (If I ever get them, of course)
But well, at least, at this final month before the exams commence, I'll have the chance to fully concentrate on my studies, and take a full sprint to the finishing line.. I hope I won't need to go through the disappointment of missing the Dean's List by 0.1 AGAIN.
Well, is that considered an update? Haha, it's hard, when life is somehow monotonous.
Back to mugging.
lowtide blogged @
6:19 pm
Thursday, March 15, 2007
TestingHi guys, sorry for not posting any updates... Well, have been really busy with stuff, including FASS FoodHunt, the various essays and midterms of the different modules..
Yah currently I'm quite sick also =(
Thanks Peiling for finding the new blogskin for me =)
Will blog again after FoodHunt is over and done with on Saturday =)
(yah Soon Bing I still owe you one post, I remember =P )
lowtide blogged @
10:35 am
