Friday, October 26, 2007
Too many thoughts, too little time
Well had a lot of thoughts passing through my mind in the past few days, but I totally lack the motivation to type them out. Perhaps will do so next just to jot down my thoughts more coherently, and use them for future reference.
Things I've been thinking about:
1. Short yet self-inspiring conversation with Marcus about schoolwork suddenly on one night
2. The short chat with Desmond at the Central Library bringing me questions I never really asked myself before
3. The Gay/S377A issue which were debated hotly in Parliament and the blogosphere
4. The Myanmmar issue which seemed to have ceased but in fact do not (Many articles in TNP and TIME that touched me)
5. The reality of being a Blackburn Rovers fan - Mark Hughes could go anytime when the right offer comes along (Spurs could be just the first of many future possibilities)
6. Joining Ocomms for Arts Club projects - Too many interests, too many relationships to rekindle/build yet not willing to compromise on my schoolwork - too little time
7. People and relationships
Yup, too many thoughts, too little motivation, too tired a mind.
Hopefully will find the energy to type them out. I just need to rant.
Arts Open on Saturday! For the first time I'm excited by playing with new people (wearing my Rovers jersey of course!), and having fun for the first time in this academic semester. I am so enthu about it, I went to run myself!
It was a flop though, I keep stopping without peer pressure.
Ok out.
lowtide blogged @
1:59 am
Saturday, October 20, 2007
Random thought
Am reading the Newpaper's buildup between the Merseyside derby, Everton vs Liverpool, and there is this 'quarrel' between an Everton fan and a Liverpool fan.
To me, this is a no-brainer. No matter how you see it, Liverpool will win the arguments at all counts, being the 'bigger' club. The amount of trophies, the playing style, the quality of players, the amount of money, the level of popularity etc all points to Liverpool being the better team.
For fans of 'small' clubs like myself, it's impossible, and even futile to argue with these 'big club' fans. They indeed have the bragging rights, and are far greater in numbers. But personally, I don't care. Blackburn Rovers is indeed a 'small' club. It has won very few trophies in the recent years. The Premiership (one of the very previleged four names on the trophy) in 1995, and the League Cup in 2002. So what? What's most important is that I love Rovers, no matter whether they finished 6th 2 seasons ago or relegated in 1999.
It's like liking a girl. Who cares if she has won 1001 pageants? It's about taking your pick initially, and sticking by your choice. There is absolutely no need to be jealous of guys who date these girls.
It's about the feeling, the adrenaline rush. Whenever I watch Rovers play, they might seldom be the favourites, and seldom play attractive football 'big clubs' can consistently deliver. There are a lot of sides that can play attractive, swashbuckling attacking football, e.g. Brazil, Man Utd, Arsenal etc. But no football side can swing my emotions up and down during a match like Rovers do. To me, after experiencing the pain of relegation in 1999, I'm just grateful to be able to watch them play in the Premier League. Every Rovers match I watch is already a blessing. What more can I ask for? I'm happy enough. To me, I just hope that they can do their best and keep 'over-acheiving' despite being on a shoestring budget.
'Big Club' vs 'Small Club' argument. Who cares? Rovers attracted me then, and I'm sticking by my choice. Barring any disaster, no other 'big club' can sway my choice.
Arte Sine Labore =)
sidenote: Kelly's new album! I'm so gonna listen to it =))
lowtide blogged @
4:44 pm
Thursday, October 18, 2007
Slightly morale-lifted day
By right, to my high personal demands, in the grand scheme of things, I shouldn't be too happy, but sometimes you just need these little boosters to lift your spirits up.
So, it was a happy day!!
Taking chuiness as given, I was rather relieved when I got back my ST (all my friends know what it stands for by now) paper. I seriously thought that I'll get below average (which by the way, is an atrocious 35/100 - ST is a *insert your own profanity*), but somehow the marks just added bits by bits, and I got 45/100. It's hard to be happy with this kind of marks (it's not even in the top quartile definitely), but given that I sincerely thought that I'm chui to the max, I should be happy!
So, the sense of relief filled me, and I was really grateful.
Again thanks to Neil's Enlightenment, EC3303's paper was do-able. It wasn't very comfortable doing the paper, as I flipped notes like hell, and I'm not even sure of the basic t-statistic formula. It's horrible how nerves get on you. However, the great thing about this paper is that I had that exact feeling doing last semester's EC2303's final exam paper, it was frantic, I made a lot of mistakes, but I had the time to rectify it and re-check it. And overall, I was able to scan through the whole paper to briefly re-check calculation errors, so it was good!
I really spent a lot of time revisiting the concepts and formulae, and keep asking myself how do I get Ui, Variance this or that from raw data (which consists only of X and Y), and I hope my efforts and worries will pay off =)
I rewarded myself by allowing myself to pon a lecture after that.
And the movie! It wasn't the greatest of movies, but the company was what's most important =)
It was great just to chill out after these days of anxiety. I'm just glad that I let it all out =)
So, the right boost at the right time.
A happy day! =)
lowtide blogged @
1:23 am
Tuesday, October 16, 2007
Slightly Enlightened
100000 thanks to Neil, my tutor for EC3303, for taking time off his busy Monday for consultation with Kaiwei, Wee Lai, Zhimin and me.
"First consultation in my NUS life" I told Tianhao as he walked by. It just shows how the stake has changed this sem isn't it?
It was really a great feeling being able to clarify the confusion caused by the notes.
Other than getting answers of why certain things are being shown in the notes, I finally understand the underlying problem to why I don't get the Summations, Variances, E (X)s etc.
The basics! It was great of Neil to lend us his econometrics book, and seeing the Appendix, the basics of econometrics. I suddenly realised how shaky my foundations were, and how my concepts were just pure copying of the notes, instead of knowing the underlying meanings of Summations, Variances, Means, E(X)s etc. Seeing the Appendix (very very late I know) made me really really enlightened. It was as if light shone out from the book, and my previous queries were suddenly answered. I'm really very very grateful.
Also a special thanks to Zhimin for photocopying chapters 4 and 5 of the textbook. Seeing how the textbook explains the concepts and lists the formula only make me realise how much Lee Jin's notes sucked. Thanks Bro! =)
I've just went back through the tutorials and sample midterms. I'm still stuck a little, but at least I understand what's going through the notes, instead of grasping at thin air. It's great feeling in control of what you're studying again, instead of being totally blurred out by the notes.
The final battle lies tomorrow. Fight!
lowtide blogged @
9:15 pm
Sunday, October 14, 2007
Bahasa Melayu ialah Seronok
As I flipped my vocabulary/grammar book for my Malay 1 last semester, I noticed a smile in my face.
It brought me back to last semester, when I was truly happy about what I was learning, memorising words and sentence structures like a kid, being really happy to explore a mysterious part of my daily life (having lived in Ubi for 5 years, and Bedok for 17 years) and know more about it.
It was the gaining of knowledge, the feeling of 'enlightenment' that makes the curious student, me, happy with school.
After I tried to explain Malay pre-fixes to Rayner, I'm surprised how much I still remember about Malay, the words, the structures, and even to explain to him what is transitive and in-transitive verbs.
I didn't realise it then, but I was really hardcore about Malay then. Everywhere I go, whenever I carry a bag, I'll carry my Malay notebook with me, and try to memorise and recap what was taught in the week and before. Whenever I had free time, don't feel like studying, I'll just bring out my notebook, look at the words like a kid, and happily began re-consolidating the memorised words. When I watch TV, be it channel 5 or TV2, I'll look out for the Malay subtitles, and look out for any words I know, or vaguely familiar, and immediately go check it out on the dictionary. Same when I walk around the streets, take the bus, take the MRT, when I saw Malay words, I'll just stop by and look at them, trying to understand more about the language.
Thinking back, I was super amazed by how 'hardworking' I was. Learning is the most fun when you subconsiously want to know more about it, and you don't find it a chore studying. You put in more effort without realising the effort at all.
EC2303, with all the JC stuff, was a breeze. EC2102, with Proddar, was a breeze. PH1101E was not exactly easy, but I was very lucky with the essay topics given by my tutor Dr Mark De Cruz, where I really understood rather than other topics where I haven't had the faintest idea. SS2249 (Government and Politics of Singapore) was something I was really interested in, having surfed political-commentary blogs for around one year by then, it's nice to gain an academic perspective. Of course, I do not need to elaborate how much I loved studying Malay.
When I think back how nice last semester was, I can't help but lament about the current one. I think I've been spoilt. Gone were the days where you can put in minimal effort (think econs, maths and physics in JC) and not bear any consequences for it.
Gone were the days where studying is interesting, where knowledge is something that explains what u see in daily life rather than some theoractical scenario which you'll never even think of.
Knowledge, from 'enlightment', turns into something people just shove it into you, and you're forced to accept it, in order to get the grades the society recognises. Learning is no longer fun, no longer meaningful, no longer explains life and becomes seriously a chore.
Suddenly, at the crossroads of the 1st and 2nd semester, I regretted my decision. If only I'm a rich man's son, I could pursue my passion instead of being bounded by practical concerns. I'll perhaps get shitty grades, but I'll be following my passion, and I can just get an average job, but why worry? I'll have no debts to clear, no parents to support (they can jolly well support themselves), get a free car, massive inheritance to expect, and life would be just passion, passion with minimal responsiblities and liabilities.
This sem will pass by, my CAP will be drastically pulled down, I'll accept the new reality, adjust my expectations accordingly, and continue in mediocrity I've been born into and consistently maintained.
I keep saying I want to pull my family up, but I keep failing at that.
Perhaps, sometimes, I should just look at studies as my love, and I'll perhaps unknowingly do well in them.
I love theoractical econs with tons of math, maths and mathematics.
I love Serene Tan. Her British accent is so cute. I love the way she pronounces 'PRRROOBlem." and "Solvve." Her short hair is so nice. Her skirt is so sexy. I love challenging sums! It's like primary school when we do our Challenging Sums on my MXPS notebook! =)
Suddenly, I wish this sem will fly by, where I'll be taking Malay 2, being like a primary school kid again asking Cikgu very stupid things like 'tidak' vs 'bukan'.
And perhaps throw in a PS/Science GEM, where I'll learn very primary school stuff like food safety, 8 bits = 1 byte etc
Saya rasa penat. Saya mahu semester ini cepat habis. Saya mahu belajar Melayu Dua pada semester depan. Saya tak mahu keluar dari DL.
Saya mesti rajin, tak boleh malas.
Baiklah, pos ini sudah habis.
lowtide blogged @
12:43 pm
Thursday, October 11, 2007
Sian
Usually, when I don't get into the flow of things in lectures, I shut down, go through motion, and simply copy down things the lecturer says without understanding them.
Then, I'll go back to my room, mind clear, stare at the notes, and finally understand what the writing is all about.
But for these two grand days, I've been staring at the EC3303 notes, and even when I try to give my most intense glare, I cannot comprehend what's written on the paper, and the thought of sleeping just enter my mind. Thus, I go to sleep.
These two days of break hasn't been productive at all, it's just staring and staring at the EC3303 notes.
I think my limit of my intelligence has been reached. I'm stuck at the level 3000 modules.
Micro 2 is really bad, and EC3303 is not any better. Yes, it's open book, but something tells me the greek alphabets on the papers make no sense except being fillers on the otherwise blank pieces of paper.
Reuben kept repeating about our date at the start of the next academic year, but I seriously doubt I can even make it this time round.
I need to do well to give my family a better life. I need to do well to get the scholarship again. I need to do well because I need the money. I need to do well because I don't come from some well-off family whereby you can afford to slack your life through and live comfortably. I need to do well because I'm using the money my mum exchanged through her life.
It's not for pride, it's not to make myself look good.
I just need to do well, I simply have to.
lowtide blogged @
7:37 pm
Saturday, October 06, 2007
End of Hell Week
Hell Week is finally over!! *combination of sigh and phew*
I had 3 midterms and one presentation, which in some ways were a roller-coaster ride.
Contrary to popular belief, I am not feeling emo. It's just how irritating this week was, and when you are really busy and occupied with work, the only thing that can motivate you to log on to blogger.com, type in words in a white text box and click the "Publish post" box must be something that you feel strong about, not like this mundane update.
It brings me to how on Tuesday, I was talking to Xiaoyan and Serene (Tan too, but way better than the ST mentioned in the last post hahaha). Serene said that seeing her blog posts, some friends even called to ask if she's ok, when in reality, she's not really in a sad mode or whatever.
Yes, I added that how blogging isn't representative of your whole life - it merely captures snippets of it. If life is a sine curve (with ups and downs), blogging normally captures the peaks and the troughs, rather than the root-mean-square (average) value of it. Like what I mentioned above, it takes something really happy, or really sad in Monday's case, to induce someone to blog in a supremely busy period, unless one is erm supremely indifferent to the object of busy-ness =P
Ok clearing that I'm NOT emo, on Monday I was in a state of shock. Well when you read the blogs of anyone doing micro2 this sem, you will not find anyone not cursing about Serene Tan. It was THAT bad. I was so in a state of shock that I can't even lament about it. It's like seeing the planes crashing into World Trade Center in 2001. You just open your mouth, stare blankly at nothing, and remain in that state. Your mouth tries to talk, your body tries to move, you try to complain to others to feel better, but still, you're in shock. That was how i felt.
Well, following a rather slack Tuesday, Wednesday was the macro 1 midterm. I seriously needed a boost then, and that shock only made more determined to get full marks for it. The paper was ok, the subject itself wasn't that hard, 30 MCQs in 50 minutes.
Dr Wong Wei Kang is very efficient, I really appreciate that, and I got back that results on Thursday morning. I got 27/30, when the average is 22.8, the s.d. 3.8. I saw quite a number of 28 and above, but not too bad I guess, when my marks are above the 'average + s.d.' range. Don't really know what it means statistically though, haha.
Thursay was more fun.. oh yes I donated blood! Met Michelle at clubroom and we went over to MPSH4 together. Too bad Michelle can't donate due to her womanly duties! But still thank her for accompanying me through the whole thing =) This time my blood flowed really fast, without me really 'squeezing alot'.. Didn't dare to really squeeze fast after the debacle of JC1 rrgh.
me AFTER the blood was taken away
After that, I rushed back to Arts to meet my group mates, and we went to AS7 for our presentation. The presentation was not bad I felt, because frankly the group we were supposed to critique really made quite a few glaring mistakes, and we did not really need to go into the controversial/anal areas, making it easier for us to comment and avoid unnessary arguments haha. But still, speaking mandarin in front of a class is still fun, while I feel I'm more Anglo-fied grammatically, I'm satisfied that my speech was still good and I just love the atmosphere. My group is also fun, yes I'm the only guy (what's new), but everyone was warm and funny, making it a lot easier for us to do work.. And really really really wanna thank Kate for doing all the slides on her own! Really really grateful to her. Three cheers for cheena-poks! Something I am so proud of =)
Thursday night, after my game of dota I watched Rovers until 5am, and crap we crashed out of Europe. I was totally saded again. The next day, I woke up totally shagged, drained from the irregular sleep. I tried to study a bit more, then i cabbed to school.. not feeling too well to bear the hassle and shoving with people on the MRT.
EC2373 midterm, 90 MCQs-test in 90 minutes, was rather stupid. It asks things like in which year was the causeway built, in which year did the population of Singapore swell to (insert number in the 1800s), and no amount of studying can actually cover everything, and as what Tianhao said, what's frustrating is that it doesn't help in the final exams, so it's really studying for the test's sake.
So? It led to many questions with us just teekuming the answer, sometimes using weird logic like 'I kinda remember Hongkong was ruled by Britain for 150 years, so if they are returned to China in 1997, the Opium War should be around 1847', and 'if Singapore was founded in 1819, it can't be the capital of the Straits Settlements in 1823, because 4 years is too fast' etc. LOL
But not bad, after the test went to eat icecream with Soon Leong, Cindy and Kaiwei, and it was quite a nice way to end the week! Island Creamery is definitely way better than Daily Scoops, and cheaper too! Just that it's further from school. But there is a direct bus back to home! 67 and 66 =)
Cindy and Kaiwei
Me and Leong
Ice Cream!
Yeah that's it for the week!
Back to watching the webcast for macro1 and mugging for Econometrics 1. Test in 2 weeks when Lee Jin's back from performing in Rain's Concert! Roar(PS. Most of my photos of Arts Club Thankyou Dinner and other things are found on my friendster, I can't really be bothered about uploading pictures to blogger anymore)
Have a great weekend folks!
lowtide blogged @
12:33 pm
Tuesday, October 02, 2007
Bring it on
Battle with Serene Tan failed, big time.
If I need to get full marks for the final paper, and 4As to salvage my sem, so be it.
Bring it on.
lowtide blogged @
2:03 am
