Friday, December 07, 2007
我能呼吸 I am Free
经过三个星期的折腾后，这学期终于结束了。
考试终于告了一个段落。
莫名的，在考试结束之后，我并没有感到而外的喜悦。心中似乎只有“累”这个字。
正如信宏所说，"I realized one of the worst feelings you can have after you walk out from the exam hall is the feeling of “I could have done better”."
我并没有因此感到而外的惋惜，但是多多少少希望自己在那几个小时能更充分的利用自己的学识。
但是从中我学到了一个重要的道理：谋事在人，成事在天。
在人生的路上，我尽力而为，但结局如果不能称心如意，至少我也尽了力。果真如此，也可算是无怨无悔了吧。
不管了啦！是非对错，功果成就，12月27日自有分晓。=X
It's amazing how this semester has brought about unprecedented stress. Every year 2 I've spoken to seem to agree with me that going into year 2 is a huge jump, and the difficult of it all starts to creep in on us. I thought it was just Arts Club people, but speaking with Justin (who is from Computing) confirms that observation.
I'm not sure of the reason. Is it that level 3000 modules are indeed alot tougher than level 2000 modules? Or is it simply that, it seems tougher because everyone seems to step up a gear in their studies once they reach year 2? I always had a theory, of how people doing good would want to maintain, and people who did badly would want to pull up their CAP, hence the increased level of pianess in everyone.
Looking back at my posts for the semester, indeed, like how we kaopeh Jeremy, it has been about studies, studies and studies. Compare that with last semester, when I blogged about the fun I had in the Foodhunt Ocomm, visiting Parliament in my free time, my fun with Malay, current affair issues etc, a lot of emphasis has been put on studies and grades. Every assignment/midterm/term paper's grade is magnified, analysed, and with that, a guess on how others do affecting how well is your grade eventually.
This is crazy, absolutely. Personally, I can think of a few reasons.
Firstly, for me, this semester's modules are indeed a lot tougher than last semester's. Last year's micro1 is crap, philo is slack (ok at least to me, I'm just lucky in my essays), Malay is tiring but absolutely fun, Econometrics is JC, and Government and Politics of Singapore is simply what I love to study.
This semester: Econometrics 2 is oh-so-confusing, totally not helped by Lee Jing's monotonic voice and confusing notes. Micro 2 - Serene Tan, nuff said. Macro1 - Slack, but taking this module alone kinda sucked. Global Economic Dimensions of Singapore - colonial history makes me sleep, totally not helped by the smoking textbook, and WEEEKLY 8AM tutorial. Translation - 4 group assignments, 1 presentation, translation practice to be done before lectures every week (or risk losing face in front of the whole LT). Boring, crazy, and out of the world.
Secondly, I think it is also because I have no hall room to stay in. People who know me know that I sleep a lot, and I need a lot of sleep to be energetic and productive. Not having a hall room means I have to reach home when it's dark, and having a tired body, tired eyes plus a tired mind mean that I can't study at night. Readings for the week are piled until the weekend, and this kinda sucked, and is totally unmotivating and unproductive.
However, I think I suddenly know the real reason for feeling the stress and heat. Stupid as it sounds, I think I feel more stressed about this semester because I know a lot more people. Don't get me wrong, I love these guys. However, I think the fact that you know so many people, and hearing each individual talk about studies, stress and their test scores inevitably adds to that perception that everyone is piaing, so you yourself has to step up a gear as well.
Last semester, I really know few people for the modules I took. I took Micro1 with Xinhong, GPS with Yaozong and HMG, Philo with Yz and Cindy, Econometrics with Cindy (i ponned all bar one lecture anyway), Malay with Cecilia and Patrick.
Less people = less muggerism feel = less stress, at least that is what it is to me. This semester, knowing all the econs majors, and zhimin's ENS friends (who are rather pia), just give me the feeling that everyone is piaing, so must I.
I love studying with my Arts Club friends, but another part of me also miss the days I studied alone in Sheares Hall. It was like in jc days: it's all between you and the books, as long as you study well, you'll score well, where competitors, bell curves are alien concepts. This time round, especially in economics, the competitors suddenly come to life. Every high score you get is accompanied by the
hope that the mean is pathetic, and every low score u get is followed by the
prayer that the whole cohort chui.
Maybe for the next semester, I'll try to harness the best of both worlds: Mugging with friends to keep me motivated and awake, but at the same time, try my best to only compare with myself, on whether I know my stuff well, and not get stressed or affected by what others are doing. It's hard, but I think I'll be a happier student this way =)
Anyway, really thanks to:
Xinyu, Kaiwei, Remmy, Tienkwan, Zhimin, Michelle, Evelyn, Chuan Seng, Cindy, Hwee Guang, May, Zheng Chuan, Jeremy, Joshua, Eugene, Xiaoyan, Applie, Lionel (plus a lot of people visiting the clubroom once in a while) for the company in my 2 weeks of isolation. That gave me massive motivation to study, and help me quit my addiction to my laptop for at least this period. Also, thank you to you guys who tagged jiayous on my tagboard! A big hugs for everyone! =)
I'm glad that this semester is over and done with.. Let the holiday mood sink in!
Back on Earth.
The F word is in the air.
FREEEEEEEEDOMMMMMM!!!
lowtide blogged @
11:15 am
