Saturday, December 06, 2008
Done?
This has been a semester of its own kind.
Well, the semester's FINALLY over. Hard to describe my feelings, cos it has been a really really long (mentally speaking) semester.
Taking 6 modules + 2 tuitions per week really pushed my limits, and the numerous lectures, webcasts, tutorials, tests, presentations and term paper that comes with it, certainly took a toll on me.
Where it is easy to give up, it got worse when I had such lofty aims. This means that I not just had to survive 6 modules, and if I were to ace at least 5 of them (s/u one), I had to be in control, and on top of the 5 modules, attending (almost) every lecture, doing every tutorial (and on time), while solving the immediate hurdles like tests, presentations and term paper, all requiring very high standards. There is no such thing as focusing on one thing at a time, or 'I don't know how to do'. There is only 'go find out how to do it, whatever it takes'. Mentally, it's really very testing, as I've never done this before. Previously, I was almost always lagging in reading and tutorial work. I'm 'born' lazy, this is not me.
And it was right after FOP period. And I think a lot of people knew how much effort we put into Oweek. The main part was the filming, plus the concurrent planning of the programmes. Not to mention work as well.
So it's kinda no break all the way for me, and to be frank, while I'm doing what I like, it's kinda sucky.
And suddenly when I realised that the exams were gone, the feeling got so surreal. Not more busy stuff? Not more demanding high standards? Are you for real?
But well, there is no such thing as rest. 4 days after exams, I'll be going for In-Camp Training from 9th-20th Dec.
It's so strange after the semester.
Like it's so strange to be back home after continously staying in my room for so long, as I need to adapt back to what essientially was my 'default'. This feels weird, when I'm used to doing what I like in my room, sleeping, bathing, playing, studying at whatever timeslot I like. Now when you're back home, everything you do will somehow be under scrutiny. What time you bathe, how much electricity you use, how untidy your desk/room is, etc etc. It certainly feels weird.
Not that I have the time to 'enjoy' and adapt being back home though. It seems like a temporary stay, and it's time again to adapt to no laptop, metal cupboards, blue/white bedsheets, green blankets, sleeping in bunks, your movement under the whimp and fancy of men older than you.
I feel like a NSF again just now, when I cut my hair horribly short,and when I went to sheng shiong to buy stuff like biscuits, cup noodles, and wet tissue, all in preparation for the 12-day confinement.
It feels weird during this period, cos it seems like your life is planned by some social superstructure over you, rather than you're in control of your life. We're never in control, are we?
Well, it's time for me to psycho myself to be positive again, and sometimes I wonder, how long can this self-psychoing last. It's not as if I have a choice.
It's nearly time to be back with the MEN WITH STEEL, in THE DECISIVE FORCE.
lowtide blogged @
2:36 pm
