Saturday, February 20, 2010
Slumber
I need to wake up from my slumber this semester, it seems like there is some dark cloud covering my head, covering my clear mind.
I'm a person who plans ahead. But I think for this time, I'm thinking too far, until I do not have the mental capacity to solve my current problems - my thesis.
Perhaps it's the graduation anxiety, the rite-of-passage to working adulthood, I don't know. But for now, I really need to just worry for the immediate tasks I need to do, which is to make my thesis a bang. Heaven has been kind to me, I do not need to find a job already, so I really really shouldn't worry excessively anymore.
I'm funny la me. When I didn't had much money, I worry about how much should I spent on immediate things. Now I'm comfortable with all that, I think of how much can I spend after I grad, how much should I save to buy a flat, give my family, even before I start working! I should really focus on the present, and worry about the future after I'm done with my last exams.
I really need to clear this dark cloud over me, and get back the energy I once had!
lowtide blogged @
7:04 pm
Saturday, February 13, 2010
Money money
Having asked around for prices and looked at my finances, perhaps having a big grad trip is not a viable option.
After my last paper on 29th April, technically I'll still need money to survive 3 months until the start of August, when I should be getting my first paycheque.
And knowing my spending patterns (which I'm not really willing to scrimp and save on the little things) and perhaps me needing to buy some new office clothes/bags/pants for work, I don't think I have a lot to play around.
Yeah, for other people's grand plans, I would be happy for them. Of course, sometimes I do wonder where do they have these massive 3-10k's from, but well, I shall work around my means, rather than thinking about other things. I'll just look at some weekend getaways, and of course, try to explore certain parts of Singapore I'm usually not willing to spend on.
Compared to some of my friends, I feel lucky. At least for now my family does not really need me to work to survive, and at least for the short term, I'm working to support myself (my contribution to the family is optional, save for that housing debt). There are friends whose families need them to work asap, or whose parents keep taking huge amounts from them, so at least I'm lucky in that aspect.
And at least I have a job already, I do not need to spend time, effort and energy looking for jobs, writing essays or going for interviews. And as I know exactly when would I start work, I can actually plan what I want to do already, despite not really having the finances to go for the higher level ones.
Perhaps no matter where you are in life, there will be people better off than you, and people worse off than you. As I go back to a very Buddhist way of thinking, it is the mismatch of desires and realities that makes one unhappy. Instead of having hopes that realities will match my growing desires, I shall learn to curb my desires, and be content with what I have.
Compared to my primary, secondary and jc days, I'm in much better shape already. To me, being able to slurge on the food you like to eat, movies you wanna watch, clothes you wanna wear, taxi rides when you're lazy, entertainments when you're bored, having my own laptop, with not much worries about finances being tight - that is already way better than last time, and I am very blessed indeed.
To be able to afford the more 'expensive' things in life, perhaps I should take a step back, put my head down, work hard as a young adult, before I can say I fully deserve all these.
I shall keep my desires in check, and think of them only when I can fully, and most importantly, safely afford them.
Now the last part: think of where I wanna go, or what I wanna do with the insurance savings money that I've saved since NS.
P.S. It felt good spending my scholarship money (I would like to think I've 'earned' it, even though I haven't really) to buy new year clothes/oranges/foodstuff for my own father and supporting him little by little in his financial distress - this kind of money spent is more meaningful than any splurge-in-a-few-days escapade. Yes, the ability to make your loved ones happy in little ways through money definitely yields more utility than the unnessary things. And of course with bigger things like quality healthcare, comfortable living, and better meals for the family, it's time to learn to work hard, and learn to enjoy the difference you can make to others' lives, rather than just your own =)
P.P.S 5th time! Of course, this means nothing if I fail to get an A-, but this is a boost to me nonetheless. This one's especially hard as it is in year 4, with the cream left, and with such difficult content.
Happy New Year everyone! =)
lowtide blogged @
5:34 pm
Saturday, February 06, 2010
Lost
Sometimes I lose a sense of proportion when..
We slog so hard (in the future) for around 23 working days for around $2000-$3000..
while blowing thousands in a few days on an overseas trip.
Parents working so hard to get home the dosh...
while kids blowing around at least 3-4 months of their pay on their exchanges.
People scrimping on their basic needs like food, saving a few dollars per day...
so they can blow hundreds in one concert night, or line 3.
Is this the world we live in?
Working relentlessly hard as the society demands. Earn more money than you'll ever use for your basic needs. Find new ways to blow your cash, since you have so little time to spend them anyway. Inflate all prices in society in the process.
If you aren't able to blow your cash, let your children do it. Let them delay their time to work in society as long as possible. Give them the spending power of working adults, enjoy the luxurious goods, pretend like they are damn well-off, act snobbish in front of poorer people who are honestly earning their keep, when all these while, they have no right to be proud, since they are not exactly savouring the fruits of their own labour.
And you continue to work relentlessly hard, putting more pressure to do so by ever consuming more.
Individual does it.
Society does it.
Prices goes up. New products come. More demand for them.
More pressure to get them. How to get them? Work harder.
In the end, you are left with no choice. You are sick of working so hard. Since when you were 5 years old. You prefer the 'work less, consume less' model. But the massive inflation created by others' spending power, through their relentless hard work, forces you to work even harder, to simply maintain your spending power, a.k.a. real income.
Society becomes richer, but do we necessarily become happier?
More desires, hence work harder to chase them, resulting in tired minds, tired souls. Over-worked, and over-pushed, since too young, and til too old. Start pre-school at four, earlier and earlier. Retirement age, higher and higher.
Look at all those faces in the MRTs, in the buses. In the early mornings, and the late evenings. What are they thinking? Are they happy? Do people come together to solve their collective unhappiness, since this system is what they've collectively created?
Individual behaviour. Coordination failure. Multiple equilibria. Inferior equilibrium. Nash equilibrium. To beat the 'average', work harder and work harder. But the 'average' never ceases to increase, since this is what everyone does. So, repeat the cycle.
I'm repeating myself. I too, am a jaded soul. No matter how much I push myself, the society pushes me even harder. Keeping yourself at overdrive, performing at overcapacity. The bourgeois call it 'productivity'. The proletariat call it "slaving".
Keeping your neck above the water is hard, when the water keeps on rising. When will we, as a people, stop this global flooding? I have no answer to that.
lowtide blogged @
2:32 am
