Tuesday, March 30, 2010
Good life
We really live a good life now.
I remember when I was really young, finding music was really a bitch.
There are many times when we heard great songs over the radio, and we have simply no chance of listening to them again, unless the radio plays it, or you buy the cassette/cd.
For poor students like us, the latter was never an option. So what to do? You keep playing those songs in your mind, and you knock your head whenever you get stuck in one part.
Or you patiently wait on the radio until the song appears again, armed with an empty cassatte sat ready in the cassette slot.
There was once I really loved this song I heard over the radio. Yes, it was an English song, and it was named "Stay the Same" by Joey Mcintyre. I didn't know why I loved it so much. Perhaps the tune was catchy, the English was simple yet meaningful, totally suitable for someone who had a poor command of the language back then.
I actually waited on 98.7fm beside the radio for many hours for a few days! Just for this song to reappear, so I can capture it on my little cassette tape.
Nowadays, it's so simple for us. Heard any nice song? Just google it, and tada! In some obsure corner of the World Wide Web, the song will be tucked in nicely, waiting for your consumption.
Within a few minutes, the song gets played into your ears. Beautiful.
We really live a good life now.
I kinda miss k-ing. Please jio me after the 6th of April!
lowtide blogged @
1:18 am
Sunday, March 21, 2010
Random Points
1. I always believed physical well-being and mental well-being are mutually reinforcing. People know that sadness can make one sick, but not many realises that physical fatigue can make one emo too. Curing emo-ness isn't easy, but you can start by the easier one - by catering to your physical well-being. When you eat healthy, do some exercises, and most importantly, SLEEP enough, you tend to feel better physically. And more often than not, feeling better physically translates to a more alert person and that translates to more energy to do what you need to do, even though you might hate them. A more alert person can also think better and plan better, and usually, the lack of a plan is where anxiety comes, not so much of the challenge itself.
So sometimes, I rather overload myself to 2 hours of extra sleep rather than to wake up 2 hours earlier to do stuff. When you have that extra blood in your brain, you can think better and do things way faster, more than compensating for that 2 hours lost. Plus the quality you can produce, the 2 hours will be indeed a good investment.
2. Graduating anxiety - so busy, focused and worried about the current to really be anxious about the future. It's a form of escapism, even though I have not much time, I try to get myself involved in stuff and make more friends. Of course it's that delicate balance. You can't do either in the extreme such that you compromise the other. If something is compromised, you know you have to drop something. Putting every dish of the buffet on your plate and complaining about indigestion is foolish: u have to measure your appetite along the way and perhaps take a few dishes at a time. Eat little and slowly and you might end up eating more than getting one mega large plate of food.
lowtide blogged @
11:09 am
Tuesday, March 16, 2010
Business End
Like the football season, it's the 'business end' of the season.
It's time to go for the kill.
Eye focused on target, firm grip, right breathing, and squeeze the trigger.
Go for the kill. Nothing but the kill.
lowtide blogged @
2:06 am
Thursday, March 11, 2010
Blogging
Havent been touching this place for long.
Actually, many things have been going through my mind. Sometimes, I return to the days when I first started this blog (near ORD), I kept having posts created in my mind as I go through my daily routines, really convinced that they will be great blog posts. But after the satisfaction of organising my thoughts into proper words in my mind, I consolidated my thoughts, and became too lazy to type it all out.
Sometimes I wonder when I log in to blogger.com, who am I actually talking to? Does anyone really care about this space anymore? How has this place evolved from somewhere so important in to me, to such an inactive space?
I yearn to be back in the days after ORD, where I can do the things I like, following blogs and commentaries full of views on the happenings in Singapore, be updated with the news, be intellectually stimulated by the various angles on how to solve issues facing Singapore. And of course post my reflections of life, rational or otherwise, here, which I believe made me clearer in my thoughts as I go along.
So who am I talking to when I type this out in the 'posting' section? I also don't know. Mainly it's to myself, cos I know probably noone will be interested to read this space anymore. My blog posts have become too serious, sometimes too critical, to the point that it only uncovers one side of me.
Life is a mix of both happiness and sadness, and this space has become the dumping ground for the latter. Personally I find it hard to return to those wonderful days I could blog about the nice places I went or the nice things I did, it's so xiaxue-ish. (Yes, it was one of my favourite blogs THEN). And perhaps the work is so much that it numbs my heart. After all the workshit, I just wanna rest online, see some soccer highlights, stalk people on facebook, have some dota games. Where is that energy to blog long paragraphs, and where is the energy to care about current affairs?
I feel like an empty shell, just dealing with the cards life gives me, and not charting a path of enjoyment for myself. As Tienkwan abtly said in a routine bitching session, all these passion and interests are for the rich, only after you attain your material comforts can you talk about all these.
I really hope to be that carefree Oweek07 smallfry and still year1 student, having small responsibilities, having fun with everyone, less chance of offending people due to not having to make bold decisions, look less serious and threatening to people, be that relaxed t-shirt and shorts dude whose only image is slack.
But sometimes, life just doesn't allow you to do so. To pick up the mettle to complete the projects you love, sometimes you offend people little by little by being too 'leader' or driven, and of course by correcting people and pushing your views through. To score good grades in class, you'll tend to impose your views or be critical when doing tutorials and projects, all to seek that perfection. Of course by doing so, the image of being threatening comes out, and again you're no longer that simple and relaxed guy you've always wanted to be and be potrayed as.
It's a constant struggles between the two me's. If life isn't that hard and we didn't need to put in effort to achieve success, I would of course want to remain that jovial, non-threatening, not-very-successful image I held ever since I'm a student, just smell the roses and enjoy the things life provides for us. But sadly (and maybe necessarily), this is the meritocratic society where only tangible success are important to get the things you want, and I've suffered previously because of that. In that aim to have that little bit more money to spend to be on par with some, I just had to work hard, to keep my head above the water so hopefully I can qualify for a scholarship, and thankfully I did that.
But of course in the process of extreme competitiveness against the others, did I lose part of me? Did I become another person? Yes, the circumstances might have forced it, but a change is a change, no matter where its origins are from.
How I wish that I can be everybody's friend again, be that non-critical, non-successful person that maybe most people would like, but of course life doesn't work like that. Without that success I would have perhaps struggle very much financially this semester, and that feeling really sucks. Little things like people commenting you're always wearing the same clothes, not much money to go have fun with friends (whose definition always raises in costs as we grow older) - people mean no harm, but that's the cold hard fact. This is not a good feeling.
It's scary why we have to do this to keep up with the society's pace, to be in line with the 'majority', just to be seen as 'normal'. For people who have naturally high 'endowments', they can remain in their little Shangri-la, good for them. But for people like us, sadly something is compromised.
How I wish to be that casual, t-shirt and shorts guy when with friends, and be that smart, capable and eloquent guy when I work to bring home the dough. Can they co-exist? That's the state I'm trying to achieve, and it's really hard. Somehow, it's impossible to switch between the two extremes that easily. Am I faking the 'capable' part, or am I faking the 'friendly' part? I'm in neither extreme, I have a part of both, but sometimes it's just hard to let both show so quickly in 2 diffferent social circumstances.
I hate to be that 'behaving' adult in the office next time, but I know I have to be. How do we be a capable worker without losing our true self after work? That' the balance I'm still looking out for.
lowtide blogged @
2:05 am
