Friday, November 30, 2007
Gone
If you think I've disappeared from the face of Earth, yup you're right.
I've disappeared into the world of academics, and other than the few folks in arts club, my contact with the world has been minimal.
Soccer, News, Blogging, Msning, Dota have all taken a backseat, and only these folks keep me sane as I try my best to score well this semester.
Many things happened, I know, especially the thing about the dragon boaters.
Again, I had many, many thoughts about exams, motivation, and life in general, but time and the temporary loss of my laptop has disabled me in blogging these thoughts into words.
From the start of the study week, I've been studying in the club room, returning home on a few occasions. Well, it seems fated that I've lost my lappie for these days, as it really kept me in focused on books, books, and only the books.
I've put in huge effort in econmetrics and micro2. Yes, as what I told Xinyu, I'll just stare at the notes/textbook until I understand the concepts and internalise them into me. It really takes a huge amount of effort, the intensity of mental activity within that short period I mug is horrible.
People only see the glorious side of you, and fail to recognise that mental effort put in place, that tremendous struggle one encounters, and simply conclude you know it because you're 'smart'. But when faced with the same situation, they simply cave in and give up, and simply lack the mental discipline to be willing to take that huge steep upslope struggle to internalise what they study.
For macro1, that's what happened to me. There's something in me that just simply refuse to understand things thoroughly, and just touch things on the surface. It's not about 'smartness', it's about the effort, and without that effort to want to go through that mental struggle, I think I'll get what I deserve for that module.
Well, it's really tiring when you've expanded all your mental energies on stats and micro, cos I really worked hard, I really had. These huge mental struggles really left me strained and tired.
I need a rest. But before I do, I know I have to earn it. I can't let the effort for the 2 modules go down the drain by screwing up the last 2. I'm not naturally smart enough to go where I wanna go, so I need to be willing to struggle more than these people I'm competing against.
Ok my lappie's back, but everything's gone.
Songs, Pictures, 3 sems worth of school work, Rovers' highlights for 2 seasons, Msn emoticons, all gone.
Feeling a bit pity, but I really feel too tired to feel sadness.
Well people, please send me photos, songs, msn emos after the exams.
For now, I'll leave Earth again, go back to that humbling world of academics, and continue my mental struggle.
See you when I'm back on Earth.
lowtide blogged @
11:07 pm
