Sunday, September 23, 2007
Reflections
I'm not sure whether I should add my two cents' worth into the 'debate', but as a naggy uncle and 'act smart' person, perhaps I just can't resist but offer some of my thoughts.
Well, in life some people just can click, some people just can't, and you can't offer any plausible explanations to that. Maybe language, maybe value systems, maybe area of interests, maybe the way people talk, maybe body language, maybe physical appearance, maybe sense of humour, I'm not sure, but it's perhaps a function of all the above-mentioned.
But since I can't really define that function, I choose to believe it in a more simplistic way - same people just can click, some people just can't.
I think my life is a good example in itself. Take NS for example.
In BMT, I did not perform because I felt I wasn't really recognised for my efforts.. Day after day, despite doing the best we can, we got zero praise, and scoldings after scoldings, punishments after punishments are all we get. Hence, subconciously I just underperformed, despite me having some form of leadership ( I hope), I just let things pass through, perhaps even happy to fall sick for a few times (toothache, food poisoning, fever etc).
But after I got posted to scout platoon in 4SIR, I felt since the first day, despite the scoldings we had, I was recognised and respected for my efforts, hence I tend to 'over-perform', even running 9.37 which I know given my level of fitness it's kind of a mini miracle. Not to mention climbing the mountains of Taiwan with our crazy scout load despite having back problems.
In Sheares Hall, the lads are friendly, nice and love to have fun. However, something just can't click between me and them. Unable to fit into the social circle, I chose to be phantom. I tried to be friendly, I participated in Buaya week, I joined the dinners, I even played an unofficial Captain's ball with them, but sometimes when you can't click, you can't click.
I think Soonleong must have thought that I was a super boring person from our time in Sheares =P
On the other hand, people in Arts Club, I don't really stay together with them, I don't really know them beforehand (I don't even really know Serene when she asked me to join the Foodhunt Ocomm), but somehow I feel I can click with these people. Before I joined the oweek ocomm, I think I only knew Cindy, Tee Lim and Shimin, but after that the group of us just clicked from there. You just can't explain it.
With regards to the issue on hand, I think the key here sometimes is not trying too hard. I always said the person is nice, just that perhaps sometimes, we should take a step back and be a little more sensitive to what others feel about us before we do what we do. It's ok to be friendly, but one must know how to behave according to one's level of relationship with the other party.
Of course, the barometer in our minds might be inaccurate, but it is worse not having this barometer at all.
Friendship takes time to build, takes opportunities to bloom, and perhaps takes crisis to really solidify.
By bypassing time, trying too hard to create opportunities, it might lead to self-created crisis that instead of solidifying friendships, breaks it down.
It's ok to be friendly, but towards friends, or even to boyfriends/girlfriends, we must give them space to live, time to breathe, and not breathe down this new-found relationship down their necks.
I've heard one chinese phrase: 物极必反。
It's always a fine line between friendly and 装熟, so one must always be very careful, despite the innate tendencies to want to reach the 熟 part ASAP.
Also, the mindset which one treats friendship is very important, especially towards members of the opposite sex. While you can never be equal to both sexes, it is always best to approach everyone with the same default mindset, then you see how you move on from there.
Times have changed. Everyone is friendly to everyone. But that doesn't mean that everyone is interested in everyone. Perhaps our innate, animalistic instincts make us want to feel loved by everyone. But given the above-mentioned change of times, we just have to face these instincts head-on and reconcile them with the current social norms. Times have changed, so must our way of thinking. By responding to our animalistic desires without a street-smart, controlled, matured and most importantly OPEN mind will only result in more zi-high and self-created troubles.
So, to see whether you can click with someone, just observe their body language when they talk to you, do they really respond to your jokes or do you see a fu yan smile? From there, then we should know when we're over, and when should we cut down.
It sounds complicated, but it only needs to be put into words when one doesn't get it. For people who get it, these words aren't even necessary.
Another Chinese philosophy I've heard. 当烦恼没来找你时，你别自己去寻找烦恼。
Peace.
lowtide blogged @
5:14 pm
